No Reserves, No Retreats, No Regrets

2010

noreply@blogger.com (dotdotD) — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 14:23:00 +0000

How to be a bigger person:

1. Look up, Aim up, Dream big
2. Keep feet on ground

holiday plans

noreply@blogger.com (dotdotD) — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 14:15:00 +0000

browse and stock up bookshelf!
draw draw draw (10,000 hours!)
guitar & driving lessons
shopping (christmas!)
readddddddddd
only 8 hours sleep max...
so much joy, so little time =]

when i should be studying

noreply@blogger.com (dotdotD) — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 14:05:00 +0000

wow i think teachers make a big difference. just thinking about this prof i have who teaches about air quality control, and my whole attitude about studying for his module is totally different! now to translate that to other modules...

By Your Side - Tenth Avenue North

noreply@blogger.com (dotdotD) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 00:51:00 +0000

pick it up

noreply@blogger.com (dotdotD) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 17:21:00 +0000

It ain't hard to feel this way:

But God:

pray somemore

noreply@blogger.com (dotdotD) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 14:34:00 +0000

My geog prof showed us a disturbing video today (this is the first module that has me cringing everytime the prof says "we're gonna watch a video today"). I think most of us have seen it or some versions of it - "Earthling/s", an inside look on how we treat animals in our modern society. I appreciate that he allowed those who felt uncomfortable, to leave the LT, and allowed us to make our own minds up about what we saw. True, it's never about indoctrination or forcing you to take up a view. It's making available the knowledge and information and allowing people the chance to make their own decision.

I stayed even though I had some inkling of what was gonna be shown & I always avoided viewing this kinda scenes of animal abuse etc. shown on youtube/facebook. I mean, who seeks out a guilt trip right? But something the narrator said, "If we all could see behind the scenes, we would all be vegetarians." and there was a trust there, in the moral responsibility of the viewers, that if we sat through the documentary, we would make the right choices. So I stayed.

I think no matter how many times you read about murders, rape, and the things we do, seeing it graphically in motion just hits the message home. I found myself stunned by what the Bible means by the 'evil' that is in the heart of humans, that we are capable of not just violence, but unnecessary harm inflicted on animals to vent anger, or derive pleasure from. Yet I asked myself, if I were placed in the same job environment, with virtually no future prospect but to slaughter thousands of animals as part of making a living, would I be able to stand there undamaged mentally and emotionally?

Whether we think things through or not, no matter how we try, we will live a life where every action and inaction impacts somebody, something or the environment that we live in. I found myself asking God, how am I to engage and be shrewd in all the dealings of our society now, yet fundamentally reject almost every value that is upheld. A sense of justice obviously isn't the answer: you can act but you'll find it almost impossible to be fair to all parties. I certainly don't want to be a pro-animal-rights person at the expense of honest, working people. And I just simply don't want to go around angry and thinking that I have to, can or should carry the weight of huge issues on my back.

What then? Try going vegetarian? Sure, but that's just the practical, physical thing. What kinda person do I become after watching something like that? I don't know, but I sure don't wanna stay the same. I think life's too short to go about it wrong continually, and not keep seeking to improve and admit I'm wrong.

New things

noreply@blogger.com (dotdotD) — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 14:25:00 +0000

late'bloom'er: someone whose talents or capabilities are slow to develop.

There's a great difference between mouthing something and getting it into your system. This week was crazy - in a good way! It's like my life is getting into motion, just by making a decision. Your outlook changes, you find yourself making more and more decisions that you've put aside for years, and you start hurtling towards that life you find God has been preparing you for.

Went for an interview, hoping to be succesful in applying for an NUS entreprise programme - iLEAD, that basically attaches you for 7.5 months to a startup company + a study trip for 2 weeks to Silicon Valley, U.S.A.! Don't ask me how I even got started being interested in business - I think it was a culmination of a lot of things - Starbucks, the Cultural Mandate that Pastor has been sharing with us these few years, and being increasingly exposed to so many real-life crises going on because of mismanagement/corruption/ignorance of businesses or governments in class.

Went to a 2-day seminar held by a CCA in NUS, Energy Carta, concerning Clean Energy and the prospects for students interested in that. It's really amazing how it's not just scientists and engineers who are passionate about the technological potential and the impact they will have on mitigating a lot of the problems we're having not only environmentally, but inevitably society and the problem of poverty and inequality. There were businessmen, entrepreneurs, engineers from such diversified fields (even mech. & electrical) and flying in from countries like Tanzania and India. It really got me excited to see that the push for sustainability that so many have undertaken even before the word existed 20 years ago, is gaining traction amongst people from diverse arenas of influence. A far-flung net works best. Regardless of the viability of human ideas (dependent on existing technologies), as long as there is a will and a vision to make things happen, there will always be a reason to hope despite the circumstances.

A student from a university in India chatted with my friend and I about our field of study, and why we signed up for this seminar (Another first at networking). He was diligently taking notes throughout the speeches/presentations made by the guest speakers and couldn't help observing that there were moments my friend slept. Afterwards, he made a comment that perhaps because we're from NUS, (having only to pay a highly subsidised amount to attend relative to him) that we don't feel it as strongly. Later on, whilst commenting on whether we were staying on for the Chevron competition for a 20-year, sustainable market plan, he said "How come you didn't take part? It's by your college."

Perhaps if I were not feeling the exact same way about myself having missed so many opportunities, I might have felt offended by his remarks. But how can I when they were right on the mark?

Our comfort zone is in our apathy; - don't care, don't aspire, don't take up more responsibility than is doled out - but that actually is an attitude of independence and isolation. We can pretend that we aren't affected by the larger forces of society, government, the global market and economics; plunge headfirst into the trends and fads of our age to try to define a lifestyle that is on our terms. But we don't know that we are fortunate, in Singapore, to be provided the opportunities to gather knowledge and the education to help us dig out the truth of things, the rare teachers who live to provide us the access to these knowledge, and the means to not just survive but to thrive while making life better for others. Apathy just means that we are literally forfeiting our chances to be part of something greater than ourselves.

So many times I hear my younger self being echoed by others, in their speech, in their aspirations or lack thereof, in their dressing, in their plans for the day - "I just want a simple life." We laugh at the China nationals for sacrificing a 'life' to earn a 5.0 GPA, not understanding that to be born in a country that sees an 18 million growth in the population, you have to fight at a scale Singaporeans will never have to experience, just to get by reasonably. I see it now, the need to be passionate in our youth, for a cause beyond one that directly caters to our own wants. I get it. Because if I don't stand up for this one, two, three things I believe strongly in, perhaps someone else will step up to the plate, but my life will be dictated by others because I choose to live by life on default.

Like Pst Phil said, there's this switch we can all turn on - just by making a decision. Faith.

life

noreply@blogger.com (dotdotD) — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 12:24:00 +0000

i've always toed the line.
wear the hats life gives you.
censor what you say because not everyone understands.
keep it in because not everyone wants to hear it.
change because you should be relevant.
give because your friend needs a shoulder to cry on.
do it because others are busy.

but
when my finances run out
when my strength fails
when my heart is sore
when i wish to have time aside
when i just need someone to take me seriously

it's hard to wait
and wait
for You to come to my defense

then i remember
how so many times i tested you
out of desperation
to ask for that one sign that you hear
you show up
you gave me rest from my tears
you held me up from the inside
instead of pity
you gave me empathy
you let me know that it matters to you
how i feel
even when i complain
and am filled with bitterness
you never tell me to suck it in
or tell me what's expected of me
you let me know there's space
in you
for me
a person like me
so i can find rest and a refuge
a covering for my weaknesses
that i might understand
and one day
do the same for others.
continue to help me
Lord.

Never Let Go

noreply@blogger.com (dotdotD) — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 03:03:00 +0000

Soundtrack of 'The Guardian', by Bryan Adams (ohmanohman been searching for this!)

Can you lay your life down, so a stranger could live
Can you take what you need, but take less than you give
Could you close everyday, without the glory and fame
Could you hold your head high, when no one knows your name
That's how legends are made
At least, that's what they say

We say goodbye, but never let go
We live, We die
Cos you can't save every soul
Gotta take every chance to
Show that you're the kinda man who
Never look back, Never look down
and Never let go

Can you lose everything you ever had planned
Can you sit down again, and play another hand
Could you risk everything, for the chance of being alone
Under pressure find the grace or would you come undone
That's how legends are made
At least, that's what they say

shrinking world

noreply@blogger.com (dotdotD) — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 16:11:00 +0000

this school year's really different - have been meeting old schoolmates, co-workers in some temp job that seems like eons ago etc. in part, it's the new school year for the guys in the same batch (no longer!), but guess the only common thing all students have no matter the faculty, is that rush for textbooks.

either way, if we play the Meet-a-friend game, I can give you competition YP! ;D

>< have to resort to searching for my core textbook online - because it costs a bomb in school!

What's in store this term:
Modules I'm finally interested in!
Passionate Profs. (yay)
Field trips in store!
Projects (hmm.)
Driving lessons
Too-e-shen

So this morning, I jumped out of bed and decided that Mondays are gonna be my Sabbath day! =) No more Monday blues for me. Jiayou guys for school!

God is Gracious

noreply@blogger.com (dotdotD) — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 10:53:00 +0000

i remember a message from Phil Pringle once, about asking and living by a new name given by God.
people's judgments and impressions and emotions - think this is really the season to start learning to live beyond that.
'Joanne' means - God is Gracious.
yeah, i'm not all that, neither do i have the means to attain a lot, neither do i have a lot of life experiences.
but by God's grace, and at the right time, i know i'll become who i'm made to be.

never give up

noreply@blogger.com (dotdotD) — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 06:01:00 +0000

Fave song in Darlene Zschech's solo album "Change Your World" =)

Never give up, never give in
Never look back
C'mon now my friend
You're not alone
The hope of tomorrow is calling

There's a brighter day
On the other side
But it's up to you to put back on your stride
So get up, step out, live it
Honey, don't you give up

It's time for you to start to breathe again
For the sun and the moon have never stopped
Shining on you my friend
I know you feel the world has passed you by
But the greatness in you is starting to rise

Faded dreams need to be recoloured
I know you've had it bad
But it's time to dream again
Write it down my friend
Make it plain oh yeah
That desire you hold
It will see the light of day

What's it gonna take for you to see
That's it's only the grace of God that will set you free
What's it gonna take for you to
Open up your eyes
Look beyond the skies

Never, never, no never give up!

fine lines

noreply@blogger.com (dotdotD) — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 20:18:00 +0000

Ecclesiastes 7:16 - 18

Do not be overly righteous, Nor be overly wise: Why should you destroy yourself?
Do not be overly wicked, Nor be foolish: Why should you die before your time?
It is good that you grasp this, And also not remove your hand from the other; For he who fears God will escape them all.

What Pastor Tan said today's really true, being mature and freer and freer in God comes hand in hand.

There's a fine line between my own fleshly nature speaking, and common sense.
between fervor for God and actually obeying Him in the way He desires.
between doing what's right and being what's right.
between denying your emotions and directing it through the right channels.
between holy sorrow and a pity party.
between a wish for privacy and a double life.
between wisdom and being judgmental.
between arrogance and healthy confidence.
between a desire to serve and other motives.
between what you say and what you think.
between a healthy social life and compromising to peer pressure.
between loneliness and solitude.

so many of them
but I just need one source
sometimes people wonder that I would be so conservative about relationships
that's cos there's always two sides involved
you're simultaneously giving and taking
simultaneously generous and selfish
which side's stronger? is there balance? are you ready?
you can be open to possibilities
but always think think think
pray pray pray
before you allow your heart to take the plunge
cos you'll always have the reins of your heart in your hands
only you ever decide who rules it
love isn't blind to what's true
a wise person once said:
if you need a boyfriend/girlfriend
you ain't ready for one
cos you are YOU
someone with a destiny unique to yourself
not just a boyfriend/girlfriend
and if you haven't found that right source to live a fulfilling life already
then you don't have anything to give
beyond yourself
don't get me wrong
you don't have to be perfect to get attached
you just don't have to be attached to go on to perfection
don't get distracted
cos it's the anointing that draws the right one

at least
that's my opinion =)

legal nuah-ing

noreply@blogger.com (dotdotD) — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 13:52:00 +0000

I feel the need to justify my not getting a job these hols.

i) With year 3 looming, i realize that this hols is one of the last handful of holidays that I can fully enjoy, bumming around, working on mini-projects & things I like & which i will have to devote less time to when I get a job after graduation (FAITH!), enjoying student meals and cheap ways to be entertained.

ii) The only long-term source of income in sight for most students (alas I'm still working on talents that might help make me richer like this freelance designer i know...) is a tuition job. However, seeing as the oncoming sem will promise 6 modules instead of 5 and a steeper learning curve (i wonder why we resort to formal language and jargons to strengthen our argument), I don't wanna bring both my kid and me down due to poor time management, or just plain overloading on the system.

iii) Plus I really wanna pull my GPA upupup! =)

BUT that just means I gotta spend lesser and get over the wanting to shop. Not that there's much anyway. I just really wanna get a swimsuit and start swimming!

Pain

noreply@blogger.com (dotdotD) — Sun, 31 May 2009 13:39:00 +0000

Bought a Michael Kors watch with my birthday FOSSIL vouchers! =) Thanks Jas, Char, Sheryl, Amar and Liyue!!! =) And Jean-zei too for you GENEROUS birthday blessing =)

Still aching badly from completing the Sundown Marathon - who knew that just the act of walking could hurt so bad? I really admire people who run marathons - whether they're trained for it or not. To be able to RUN through a marathon takes physical discipline, to LIMP through the marathon takes mental discipline!

Think it's much needed sometimes to try things out and see where you stand - it was certainly beneficial to know how insignificant I was amongst the throngs of runners!

I highly doubt I'd do it again - but after this, truly, nothing is impossible. I'm glad at least I knew what being at my limits feels like.

looking up

noreply@blogger.com (dotdotD) — Fri, 29 May 2009 07:18:00 +0000

YAY got my results for the sem... 3 B+s, 1 A and 1 A-! =) Seriously pleased!
And received an email from a prof about a part-time job that allows me to work from home.. hope I can get a slot! =)
BTT test booked, and 5 driving lessons.
Now it's only the 42 km marathon to face down =)

First steps

noreply@blogger.com (dotdotD) — Wed, 27 May 2009 15:56:00 +0000

I found out why I don't like to read much during the hols! It's not because of some rebel complex, where I just have to do the opposite of what I'm supposed to do. It's the same as how we begin planning extensively for our holidays right after the first paper's done, mentally checking through our bank accounts (or conveniently skipping this step) and stopping to skim through the reports of Jeju Island, Cheap Holidays to Fit the Times etc. Reading for me stores up life lessons, gives ideas and inspires new activities to try out. The holidays is the green light for these words to become action..!

Actually, forking out money's a pretty good way to make sure all that talk and planning gets translated to something more. Paying for the Sundown Marathon for example. I think 50% of the effort begins now, spending minutes of the day (usually when a stray jogger pops into view as i'm staring out the bus) or night (cos some convenient excuse popped up again why I shouldn't jog tonight...) mentally imagining myself jogging (crawling, walking, limping???) past the finish line. Lol... faith to faith i think...

That's why I'm gonna pay the deposit to start learning driving TOMORROW (and blogging this down so I won't back out thinking about my bank account) and trust that God will provide ;D Either way I know I'd enjoy driving - it's just the getting there. Think I'm just gonna go with public school (seeing as how Shui Yong's private instructor speaks Chinese and I'm comfortable with structure anyways). Whatever the cons of driving (economy, prospects of getting a car), I don't wanna waste brain cells calculating - I just remember this dream I had about driving backwards down a slope and into traffic, very skillfully i might add, and it all becomes worthwhile. Though I certainly have no hopes of actualizing that scene!

I'm occupied with stories of British schools, Italian verbs, and how to get access to more films. I have to be more occupied with repairing the things I break around the house (just recently reminded not so friendly-ly), catching up with friends and improving these hols. =)

to Am

noreply@blogger.com (dotdotD) — Sat, 09 May 2009 03:13:00 +0000

I like getting up each morning with something in mind to do, and somewhere to go. Bearing that in mind, the fun of the hols though is to have unplanned days.

Was whining to Jean as she rushed her research proposal, that I was bored stiff. On the THIRD day of my holidays! I'd seriously expected my post-exams delirium to last me 2 weeks at least. Seriously. Haha... I know it looks like i'm doing the evil twin routine.

But roughly, hope to learn much more stuff these hols. Driving for one! On top of finding adhoc jobs and meeting up with friends =) Lol Am, this post is for u cos obviously I've not much to talk about! ;DDD

whacking

noreply@blogger.com (dotdotD) — Fri, 01 May 2009 02:08:00 +0000

Module: ESE2401 Water Science and Technology

Q: Name 3 main pathogens that impacts water quality.

Correct Answer: Cryptosporidium, Giardia Duodenalis, E. Coli

MY answer: Cystosporidiosis, Giardi Dynogenalis, E. Coli

...

I hope I get some marks for entertaining my examiner! XDDD

distraction

noreply@blogger.com (dotdotD) — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 17:34:00 +0000

by MelloLover on Deviantart.com

--> 'just a doodle' doesn't begin to describe this (!!!)

I really can't wait for the holidays to begin

Sketchpad's ever before me

Itchy itchy

Gotta stah-dee

today

noreply@blogger.com (dotdotD) — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 16:36:00 +0000

Yay! =) My tuition kid's out of her doldrums - it was amazing seeing the change in her. I remember when I had to spend a couple of sessions counselling and assuring her and her mother, that things would work out for the better... I definitely went out from there wondering if I could handle the extraneous responsibilities this tuition job seemed to require of me! I don't know what changed her mind - but I know that every good tuition session happened because I'd pray before I knocked on the door - be it outside at the lift lobby (Hoping no one suddenly popped out!) or in the MRT.

It's not that I LOVE teaching. But I think anyone with a love for something, like Dixon and his designs, Cel with her acting, Mic with her basketball, Tim with his love for marine life... you won't need to know how to teach, to want to impart some of your passion to someone. And I definitely feel strongly that no one should 'fail' in life, just because they may not be scoring well or can't grasp English.

Anyway, I'm just psyched that things are improving. =)

Something else happened today that really got me thinking. An elderly man came up to me straight at the bus interchange and asked for money, in very cultured English! "Excuse me, could you spare me $2?"

"Sorry, I don't have $2 (this is the honest truth!)"

"$1?"

Ok, I had that - and here's what got me. I said "No." And immediately felt horrid. I went home on the bus wondering why I should be feeling this way - he's able-bodied, definitely stronger than men I've seen slaving away as gardeners and cleaners; why should he do nothing and get something?

And I remembered Paul Scanlon's 15 minute revolution.

I wondered why why why my visceral response could be opposite from what I mean to do. It brought to mind how we've been taught to plan, to make decisions and adopt attitudes in anticipation of circumstances and things cropping up as opposed to reacting. It also brought to mind a certain verse Jang scribbled on my noticeboard, about hope and the Holy Spirit.

Sometimes opinions are formed and decisions made without conscious deliberation. That's how one grows hardened in the face of all the information and events happening. Well, if anything, it's a lesson learnt! =o)

Time:1228

noreply@blogger.com (dotdotD) — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 16:11:00 +0000

I think it's a gift when you want time to slow down and it really does. I wish it would slow down now - that I could zone out and be happy not doing anything but really, only 5 minutes have gone by.

Anyway, I definitely can't wait for holidays to begin. Haha.. they're the reason why I always look forward to exams - just get it over with already! But this sem's really been one of the better ones.. good profs, relevant classes & more time hanging out with my classmates & more time to be a student. Lol..

By Bofkin

Press on!

noreply@blogger.com (dotdotD) — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 03:07:00 +0000

D . i . s . c . i . p . l . i . n . e

The world lies at the feer of the disciplined.

Everyone dreams. But only the disciplined will accomplish theirs.

A dream without discipline is the pathway to frustration, anger and deep disappointment.

Even a dream from God has no guarantee it will come to pass.

Success of the dream demands discipline.

Start disciplined, stay disciplined, finish disciplined!

Disciplines are the way of life.

Morals, finances, attitudes, emotions, relationships, work, devotions; all require discipline to be healthy and successful!

- Phil Pringle

noreply@blogger.com (dotdotD) — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 13:37:00 +0000

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

If we can come through this age learning what's important in the end, then it's all worth it.

One Life to Love

noreply@blogger.com (dotdotD) — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 17:57:00 +0000

He never thought he cared so much about the minute hand
Until he started praying for a second chance
If he could only do it all again
He'd trade the long nights that he spent behind his desk
For all he missed
He tells his wife, "I wish that this moment in this room,
Was not me dying but just spending a little time with you."

You only get just one time around
You only get one shot at this
One chance, to find out
The one thing that you don't wanna miss
One day when it's all said and sone
I hope you see that it was enough, this
One ride, one try, one life to love

She never thought she cared so much about those little hands
That held on tight the day she left
Till she was scared to death
Sitting all alone on a hotel bed
The end of the road
The sun has set on her big plans
To feel young again
She picks up the phone, dials the number
Hears that little voice
that's haunted every single mile
since she made that choice