life

i've always toed the line.
wear the hats life gives you.
censor what you say because not everyone understands.
keep it in because not everyone wants to hear it.
change because you should be relevant.
give because your friend needs a shoulder to cry on.
do it because others are busy.

but
when my finances run out
when my strength fails
when my heart is sore
when i wish to have time aside
when i just need someone to take me seriously

it's hard to wait
and wait
for You to come to my defense

then i remember
how so many times i tested you
out of desperation
to ask for that one sign that you hear
you show up
you gave me rest from my tears
you held me up from the inside
instead of pity
you gave me empathy
you let me know that it matters to you
how i feel
even when i complain
and am filled with bitterness
you never tell me to suck it in
or tell me what's expected of me
you let me know there's space
in you
for me
a person like me
so i can find rest and a refuge
a covering for my weaknesses
that i might understand
and one day
do the same for others.
continue to help me
Lord.