By Your Side - Tenth Avenue North

pick it up

It ain't hard to feel this way:

But God:

pray somemore

My geog prof showed us a disturbing video today (this is the first module that has me cringing everytime the prof says "we're gonna watch a video today"). I think most of us have seen it or some versions of it - "Earthling/s", an inside look on how we treat animals in our modern society. I appreciate that he allowed those who felt uncomfortable, to leave the LT, and allowed us to make our own minds up about what we saw. True, it's never about indoctrination or forcing you to take up a view. It's making available the knowledge and information and allowing people the chance to make their own decision.

I stayed even though I had some inkling of what was gonna be shown & I always avoided viewing this kinda scenes of animal abuse etc. shown on youtube/facebook. I mean, who seeks out a guilt trip right? But something the narrator said, "If we all could see behind the scenes, we would all be vegetarians." and there was a trust there, in the moral responsibility of the viewers, that if we sat through the documentary, we would make the right choices. So I stayed.

I think no matter how many times you read about murders, rape, and the things we do, seeing it graphically in motion just hits the message home. I found myself stunned by what the Bible means by the 'evil' that is in the heart of humans, that we are capable of not just violence, but unnecessary harm inflicted on animals to vent anger, or derive pleasure from. Yet I asked myself, if I were placed in the same job environment, with virtually no future prospect but to slaughter thousands of animals as part of making a living, would I be able to stand there undamaged mentally and emotionally?

Whether we think things through or not, no matter how we try, we will live a life where every action and inaction impacts somebody, something or the environment that we live in. I found myself asking God, how am I to engage and be shrewd in all the dealings of our society now, yet fundamentally reject almost every value that is upheld. A sense of justice obviously isn't the answer: you can act but you'll find it almost impossible to be fair to all parties. I certainly don't want to be a pro-animal-rights person at the expense of honest, working people. And I just simply don't want to go around angry and thinking that I have to, can or should carry the weight of huge issues on my back.

What then? Try going vegetarian? Sure, but that's just the practical, physical thing. What kinda person do I become after watching something like that? I don't know, but I sure don't wanna stay the same. I think life's too short to go about it wrong continually, and not keep seeking to improve and admit I'm wrong.

New things

late'bloom'er: someone whose talents or capabilities are slow to develop.

There's a great difference between mouthing something and getting it into your system. This week was crazy - in a good way! It's like my life is getting into motion, just by making a decision. Your outlook changes, you find yourself making more and more decisions that you've put aside for years, and you start hurtling towards that life you find God has been preparing you for.

Went for an interview, hoping to be succesful in applying for an NUS entreprise programme - iLEAD, that basically attaches you for 7.5 months to a startup company + a study trip for 2 weeks to Silicon Valley, U.S.A.! Don't ask me how I even got started being interested in business - I think it was a culmination of a lot of things - Starbucks, the Cultural Mandate that Pastor has been sharing with us these few years, and being increasingly exposed to so many real-life crises going on because of mismanagement/corruption/ignorance of businesses or governments in class.

Went to a 2-day seminar held by a CCA in NUS, Energy Carta, concerning Clean Energy and the prospects for students interested in that. It's really amazing how it's not just scientists and engineers who are passionate about the technological potential and the impact they will have on mitigating a lot of the problems we're having not only environmentally, but inevitably society and the problem of poverty and inequality. There were businessmen, entrepreneurs, engineers from such diversified fields (even mech. & electrical) and flying in from countries like Tanzania and India. It really got me excited to see that the push for sustainability that so many have undertaken even before the word existed 20 years ago, is gaining traction amongst people from diverse arenas of influence. A far-flung net works best. Regardless of the viability of human ideas (dependent on existing technologies), as long as there is a will and a vision to make things happen, there will always be a reason to hope despite the circumstances.

A student from a university in India chatted with my friend and I about our field of study, and why we signed up for this seminar (Another first at networking). He was diligently taking notes throughout the speeches/presentations made by the guest speakers and couldn't help observing that there were moments my friend slept. Afterwards, he made a comment that perhaps because we're from NUS, (having only to pay a highly subsidised amount to attend relative to him) that we don't feel it as strongly. Later on, whilst commenting on whether we were staying on for the Chevron competition for a 20-year, sustainable market plan, he said "How come you didn't take part? It's by your college."

Perhaps if I were not feeling the exact same way about myself having missed so many opportunities, I might have felt offended by his remarks. But how can I when they were right on the mark?

Our comfort zone is in our apathy; - don't care, don't aspire, don't take up more responsibility than is doled out - but that actually is an attitude of independence and isolation. We can pretend that we aren't affected by the larger forces of society, government, the global market and economics; plunge headfirst into the trends and fads of our age to try to define a lifestyle that is on our terms. But we don't know that we are fortunate, in Singapore, to be provided the opportunities to gather knowledge and the education to help us dig out the truth of things, the rare teachers who live to provide us the access to these knowledge, and the means to not just survive but to thrive while making life better for others. Apathy just means that we are literally forfeiting our chances to be part of something greater than ourselves.

So many times I hear my younger self being echoed by others, in their speech, in their aspirations or lack thereof, in their dressing, in their plans for the day - "I just want a simple life." We laugh at the China nationals for sacrificing a 'life' to earn a 5.0 GPA, not understanding that to be born in a country that sees an 18 million growth in the population, you have to fight at a scale Singaporeans will never have to experience, just to get by reasonably. I see it now, the need to be passionate in our youth, for a cause beyond one that directly caters to our own wants. I get it. Because if I don't stand up for this one, two, three things I believe strongly in, perhaps someone else will step up to the plate, but my life will be dictated by others because I choose to live by life on default.

Like Pst Phil said, there's this switch we can all turn on - just by making a decision. Faith.

life

i've always toed the line.
wear the hats life gives you.
censor what you say because not everyone understands.
keep it in because not everyone wants to hear it.
change because you should be relevant.
give because your friend needs a shoulder to cry on.
do it because others are busy.

but
when my finances run out
when my strength fails
when my heart is sore
when i wish to have time aside
when i just need someone to take me seriously

it's hard to wait
and wait
for You to come to my defense

then i remember
how so many times i tested you
out of desperation
to ask for that one sign that you hear
you show up
you gave me rest from my tears
you held me up from the inside
instead of pity
you gave me empathy
you let me know that it matters to you
how i feel
even when i complain
and am filled with bitterness
you never tell me to suck it in
or tell me what's expected of me
you let me know there's space
in you
for me
a person like me
so i can find rest and a refuge
a covering for my weaknesses
that i might understand
and one day
do the same for others.
continue to help me
Lord.

Never Let Go

Soundtrack of 'The Guardian', by Bryan Adams (ohmanohman been searching for this!)

Can you lay your life down, so a stranger could live
Can you take what you need, but take less than you give
Could you close everyday, without the glory and fame
Could you hold your head high, when no one knows your name
That's how legends are made
At least, that's what they say

We say goodbye, but never let go
We live, We die
Cos you can't save every soul
Gotta take every chance to
Show that you're the kinda man who
Never look back, Never look down
and Never let go

Can you lose everything you ever had planned
Can you sit down again, and play another hand
Could you risk everything, for the chance of being alone
Under pressure find the grace or would you come undone
That's how legends are made
At least, that's what they say

shrinking world

this school year's really different - have been meeting old schoolmates, co-workers in some temp job that seems like eons ago etc. in part, it's the new school year for the guys in the same batch (no longer!), but guess the only common thing all students have no matter the faculty, is that rush for textbooks.

either way, if we play the Meet-a-friend game, I can give you competition YP! ;D

>< have to resort to searching for my core textbook online - because it costs a bomb in school!

What's in store this term:
Modules I'm finally interested in!
Passionate Profs. (yay)
Field trips in store!
Projects (hmm.)
Driving lessons
Too-e-shen

So this morning, I jumped out of bed and decided that Mondays are gonna be my Sabbath day! =) No more Monday blues for me. Jiayou guys for school!