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Showing posts from 2007


Had a 2 hour briefing session today. Phew. Late! ><> Heh... impressed! 1. My manager doesn't like to be called 'boss' or 'sir'; 'the customer is the boss'. - Whoa! Haha.. i really got how service was the thing here. *sweat hope I have what it takes. :D 2. The extensive training that we've to go through, on top of frequent & surprise performance reviews - i tio stun. Seriously, I didn't expect the level of standard Starbucks has. 3. The emphasis on connecting w the team. - Haha.. the motto & values kinda reminded me of how cell group is supposed to be like; treating each other with dignity & respect etc. I think that was when I started to relax. 4. So young! Most of the people I met are between 16(O.O) & 22, & they look like they've been working for ages! Yay~ I feel like I'm now empowered financially to be more independent - like spending money on stuff like uniform, shoes etc. which brought me back $100, didn't h…

rainy weather

on the brink of something new: I got the job at starbucks, changi airport! i love the idea of working at the airport. great that it's near my home, only wish that i could cycle home from there. the idea of working while studying, especially with my sem 2 timetable, is a bit worrying since i was already struggling with sem 1. (i didn't know chem engin students didn't need to take physics!!!><) again, wondering if i'm in the right course. who would major in something they're weaker at? Ans: Joanne.

but gd la. steeling myself, counting the cost, stirring up the willingness to sacrifice leisure time, brain-dead hours in front of the tv, crunchyrolling, whatever. in the first place, university really convicts me on my lazy attitude towards studies. the discipline is just not there. seriously, though ppl think i study too much as it is, i dun think i really know what i'm doing half the time. T.x sad case. only the last exams did i realize i just need to really s…

Whacked out body-clock

:) I think late night suppers and reaching home at 4 a.m. is getting to be a tradition. Really hope more ppl can join us for these suppers! On that note, I'll really work hard to walk the talk: GET MY DRIVER'S LICENSE!!!

Today, lots of ppl turned up so it was really great fun :) Planned to go Mind Cafe near Plaza Sing but lots of holidaying ppl beat us to it. So it was some time loitering around a nearby arcade & then down to PITSTOP near Boat Quay. That place holds a lot of memories; we first went there with friends from E237 - we even found one of the photos we took, right outside the toilet! =D E237 is still scrawled over the door too!

Lol... good lah... thanks guys, i really enjoyed myself. Good lah, feel that the camp really kickstarted the holidays for me. I was getting quite half-hearted in all my plans but now it's really like hauling my lazybones from the bed, get down to the chores, & exploring Pasir Ris more.

Oh! Good news! I'm most likely clinching tha…

NACL2 Breakaway


Phew! It tells you something if I need a day's break after camp, before I can function normally! Lol.. Though I went into camp a bit unprepared, I dun think anything could have prepared me for the camp! I still remember how when I was 12, and staying over at my cousin's house, I would cry at night cos I missed my parents. 12 for goodness sake!!! Haha.. thank God the only crying I did at the camp was due to tiredness on the first day, and because of God's ministering during the sessions!

Totally agree with Mic - the sessions were the main highlights of the camp! I'm really impressed with the youngsters that were there - they were the most excited of all the campers, and they withstood the long hours of standing and worshipping God, praying and the pressures of putting on a skit in front of everyone! I think 1 thing I really felt convicted abt is how OLD I felt inside, compared to them!!! Haha... But seeing the leaders like Sophie, JingXuan, Sarah, Jacqueline etc. all b…

pat on the back


I'm more than happy for my math and econs papers!!! haha... truly truly i m starting to understand what God means by His peace, and leaning on Him for strength! Thank you God - whatever i get i'll give thanks to You!

Today, I more than made up for my lack of sleep for the past 3-4 days - I slept for 15 hrs today!!! Hahaha.. and i did not study one bit. Yea~~ pleased and happy... though too much sleep does make you a bit wonky. Like moving too fast makes u see stars - that kinda thing.

Hum.. I'm still gonna gear up and get started on my last 2 papers though - Physics and Chem... Chem i'm ok with, but Physics is touch and go. =) Early headstart!

break # 1

been emotionally very up-down lately - what's up with that? haha.. like, one moment i'll feel tired, happy, stressed and irritated with myself at the same time.

old already - haha... i've forgotten what i dislike abt the monsoon period - arthritic joints, sniffly nose and mosquitoes!!! T,T how come i dun hear anyone else complaining about mosquitoes? somehow there's one big fat one that's unfortunately v fast, that's somehow surviving (very well actually) hiding in my blanket. boohoo~ someone save me!

kk, back to mugging. I'll be super glad when math is over! to be brilliant at math, u'd have to be a little crazy i think. anyway, a big SHOUTOUT to Esther!!! So proud of her! =D lol... hmm, come to think of it, haven't found out abt my cousin's results too.. 4 of them - 1 PSLE, 2 O's, 1 A's. Woo~ crazy world we live in. full of exams. bah.
=) pretty excited about Christmas - think it's the effect of christmas decorations at the airport and at the malls.


music cds: Casting Crowns, Alan Luo, JJ lin
movies: Spirited Away, The Incredibles (my pirated one is stuck at the halfway point...X'@), Transformers, Ratatouille, Bourne Ultimatum
books: Heroes comic, a Bible concorde
stuff: bottles of acrylic paint, a tuition kid, a nice handmade christmas card, some comfort object that's more longlasting than a stress ball, hugs, a mouse (computer...), a laptop carrier, stationary

can't wait to shop for gifts. guess i'll need a job these 5 weeks. any lobang?


YEA~~ =)

Dunno why but it feels good to study for exams as an undergrad. maybe cos you really need to know this stuff in future? haha.. at least not last minute cramming now. Wow!

which brings me to the thought of 5 weeks of blissful, PC1341-, CM1502 -, MA1505-, EC1301-, EG1108- LESS days! lol... must seriously get through this exams with NO REGRETS! lol... hmm.. i really cling by faith to those testimonies shared by Aileen, Jeannette, Lil Sharon... (let me know if i left anyone out) where it is possible to score distinctions for a subject they struggle with. (!!!)

=) i'm v thankful for today. I'm gonna be a more thankful person. think it really helps u see things in a better light. had a good study session with La! haha.. coffee and those cushy sofas at a cafe and hours spent with your notes will make anyone feel like an academic. but ya... shoutout to La! I felt better talking abt stuff with you! =)

and keeping in mind the feedback - here's a light post for you! XD hoho

Seizing Joy

Joy - get in my pocket!

Things I said 'Wow, that's true' to:

- Pst Ulf: 'not being super-high and happy all the time doesn't mean you are living in defeat!' (I'm freed!)

- Pst: give out of what you have; sacrifice by giving what you normally set aside for yourself. (I'm freed!)

- Pst Ulf: be an authentic Christian. Meaning you acknowledge the suffering that you need to go through, but you still do it.

it's amazing that every time you think you've already given the best you know how, stepped out as far as you can take, achieved as much as anyone else would be proud of doing so

in God there's always more

I used to be frustrated by this cos i didn't like the constant going and pushing on to greater things. Like, seriously, though you know better, your emotions just want to sit down and 'clap up little patty-cakes' to God, so to speak.

one thing that pst ulf said (out of many *grin); it's not abt the talents, ur personality, how sporty u…

i know who i am

pudgy legs kicking. waters falling to mysterious depths below, and stretching beyond my vision. fear.

two hands grasping mine. a life float around my waist. faith.

a voice within bringing back visions of drowning, of sharp teeth and rough scales. terror.

a voice without telling me to kick, telling me that i can swim. obedience.

reality limits.

living in the real world is not about being strong. it's about yielding to the voices that tell you that you are - too tall, too short, too fat, too pimply, too nerdy, too inadequate, too ugly, too loud, too quiet, too stupid, too wild, too dull, too poor, too insignificant, too unglamorous, too tomboyish, too effeminate, too clumsy - not good enough. that even before you try, you are bound to fail because of the reality of your circumstances, because of who you are - and what you are not. obviously.

but then it says in the Word: good news. you are the head and not the tail. be holy, as I am holy. the Lord is the helper of your countenance. He giv…

new generation

just wanna pen down a few thoughts before I start my studying for the day.

I just wanna say to every single cg member, past and present, a big thank you. It's not cliche in the least when I say that it's due to everyone loving God and hanging on, that has me here where i am today.

No matter whether I was ever close to a particular person - after all, God has really brought together so many different people whom I'd never have gotten to know if I hadn't joined church - every single person's backsliding, or spiritual breakthrough - they are felt throughout my spiritual life.

Came home from school - and the thoughts running through my mind were those trying to justify my giving for Arise & Build 2007. Not due to fear, but because of remarks a few friends made. I was reasoning within myself, till I stopped and recalled the one thing someone said:

The one thing I love about you City Harvest people is that you guys know who you are giving to and what you are doing all th…

God won't let me burn out =)

brain (instantaneous state) = fried
eye bags = 3 x w, where w = amount of water retention due to lack of sleep for 1 day
mind = work done -> infinity

work done by neck in holding up the increasing weight of my head due to above formulae = F against gravity X distance of head from desk

= weight of (fried brain + eye bags + growing information in mind) X o.3m

==> state of neck = permanent injury

clues pointing to over-mugging:
1) u start thinking of physics theory when going about everyday stuff
eg. looking at the sunset - thought in Joanne's head : the reason why the sunset is so brilliantly red today is due to the added humidity of the sky, due to impending monsoon season, which results in a shorter wavelength of light refracted from the sun, resulting in a more intense red color.

2) when your body voices its protest by lying paralyzed on bed, your mind spins on going through a growing to-do list, and evaluating the chances of getting a >4.0 GPA this semester

3) you wake up after a…
I love rare catches - of books I mean! I remember someone - Isabel i think, was sharing how she would go to the library, get a pile of books, go home and get disappointed with them. Buying books when I was younger used to be so much simpler! Ok, discount the fact that you get let off for standing at the youth section, thumbing a book and starting where you left off the last trip... hahaha...

The past week has been real smooth. That's really something out of the norm since term started! It's like a half-term of turbulence and suddenly zen-like calm and a new capacity to handle the workload. It's as if something that had been developing inside has finally reached surface - thank God for that! :D (dotdotD)

Hehe.. I'm proud of myself - will exercise the discipline to keep it up. One thing though that I'm learning, oddly enough, is to learn to relax. The irony. I guess I swing to extremes. I'm normally quite hard on myself to get things done BUT I'm also an escapi…

Redeeming the Time

I realized these past few days, when i hear myself speak, that I've been making up reasons to excuse my mediocrity - in school, at home, in my relationships.. As what a good friend said, 'tweak my thoughts'! >< If my old ways aren't working, then there's gotta be a change.

What brought this on was the 100th episode of oversleeping in 'Here's My Life: Snore, a case of Joanne-commonness', today. again. Ahh!

Hung out with the pooks La Jang, Leen Bean and Peannette, chatting and 'surprise!'- studying into the a.m. Lol.. I was really running on something else I can tell you, but I totally crashed when I got home at 5am... Tutorials begin at 10 - woo! 2 hours of sleep! - i thought. Then the next thing I know is waking up with my dad announcing lunch time. I glanced at the clock (if you knew my clock, you would understand my confusion. Talk about non-descript, you need a high IQ to read the time off it!) and was all: 'haha.. funny dad, it's…
just a thought, what does the individual consist of?

- intellect
- knowledge, wisdom

- imagination
- hopes, desires, dreams
- emotion
- sexuality
- ego

- will, determination, strength to finish through a decision, conviction
- passion (I don't think passion is an emotion is it?)
- morals, values
- instinctual knowledge

Integrity: when there is a thread wound through these disparate parts, holding us together and lining us up so that we can be people like that described in 2 Corinthians 9:13, able to glorify God for the obedience of your confession to the gospel of Christ, meaning basically that we are able to live a life that flows from our beliefs, and that doesn't contradict what we say we believe.

--> having godly passion for our loved ones and our other-half
being able to school our emotions with our convictions
living by morals despite of what others may try to teach you
being able to enjoy good, clean fun because you are transparent in your motives

Someone once called …
10 weird things about me:

1. I like studying. Ok... MOST of the time. I think this stemmed back from my days in primary school when being in an EM1 class, and getting the approval of my aunt and all that. Thank
God it developed into a love for knowledge, not just some drive to outdo people.

2. I like watching people drink, like quench their thirst, u know? lol.. don't ask me why, drinking just ups the level of welfare for me. NOT referring to booze. XD

3. I appreciate fashionable clothes - i just don't feel comfortable in them. Dress down's the way to go - though it gets me down when i'm dressed so lok-kok and i'm out shopping. X@ I think La
& Ai would get what i mean.

4. I'm a coward when it comes to relationships.

5. I dream of having horses. (no, not the kinds at turf club)

6. I should be studying now but I'm blogging.

7. Children are my undoing. Take it in the negative AND positive sense.

8. I need to read at least 1 book a day. (help! new books please!)

9. Hi…



it's good to have parents and a sister who can cook! Today's tea consists of hot tea n Jean-made Rosti. I... had the important job of onion-chopper and food critique! XD

Sunday: =) hum.. really need to get into the habit of putting God first. Sunday's vision weekend really impressed the verse in Acts: stand with the reverence of God and in the comfort of the Holy Spirit. It's not wholly our reverence or the Holy Spirit being there when we are in need only, that makes up this walk. And I'm really glad for times like this when He provides the strength to do His will.

1 thing abt bible study last wk: Know WHY you're doing something and you will find the strength to do it.

I was freaking out big time about university life - how it's the 6th wk and i still feel overwhelmed by the things i'm studying. But thank God for A levels and Prelims, when I got the same sense of anxiety - it's really an exercise to keep falling back on what God has done for me and…


{I've always had a tremendous amount of respect for people who had a just-do-it attitude without really consciously trying to do so. I desire that in myself. Not just a spark to get things started, dreams into reality, but really, a conviction and discipline to see things through.

BUT just when I get down on myself, counting the things i've failed to achieve, areas I struggle to break through after so many years, it always helps to have someone else tell you what they see in you. That's why I'm born with a twin.

BUT God, I need to hear from You. O God, give me the strength to go where I dare not go, even when I know it's what You want me to do. Thicken my skin, increase my faith, call to me from the waves.

I want to, I can, I need to, and most importantly, I WILL it.}

Watched a movie about Shiloh Eagles, a high school American football team, that lost every game in its season, but experienced revival in every sense of the word, through the prayer of community members, …

midday rant


lol.. i'm all lifted up about Nick Vujicic's 'Nothing is impossible with God' message - but i find myself ranting about how impossible it is to understand my chem lab experiment.


*take a break n get things into perspective*


It's funny how the first reaction I get when people find out I took art, is: really? can you draw portraits/(eg. ME?)? I think that just reflects how instinctively, while landscapes and abstracts definitely have their beauty, man prices recreating the human body on paper as one of the highest forms of art.

Yesterday, i spent my hour and a half ride home, observing people on the train. I saw odd couples at the corners, absorbed in each other; old men in their various shapes and types, some once athletic, others worn from hard labor; the pinched faces of middle-aged women as they stared ahead of them; the smiles on the unlikely face of a teenager at the bright chatter of a hyperactive kid; a young girl with a store-bought birthday cake...

And I feel how amazing it is that God focuses on us. A little part in me agrees with God; there's no end to the permutations of people. I've always wondered how amazing it is that one does not only recognize a person by his appearance, but by…


Ok.. the 3rd post today. Yesterday night, this morning, whichever. XD granted I've been sleeping early (10pm!) the last few nights and lazing in bed till the last minute so, I'm allowed a sleepless night!
Just watched Seducing Mr Perfect, which features Daniel Henney. Lol.. one thing about Korean dramas, ok, MOVIE this time but it should have been a drama, is that it's rated 11 on a scale of 10 for comedy. ALL the female leads always end up embarrassing themselves! *groan don't ask me why i still get addicted then laugh at myself afterwards, and get addicted - again. Haha.. ok.. I love fridays cos i get it off from school! =D I'm supposed to be mugging which is why i'm gonna punish myself with hours of the latter task after i get this post done. After viewing Nat's blog, I'm inspired to be more techno-saavy and create visual spectacle for my readers. Meaning... photos!
Haha.. started the morning with a trek down to lavender to Miss La's home. Lol... w…

The Phil 4:6 Post

What puts a smile on my face:

remembering Emerge'07 and the awesome experience

people that rank 10 on the make-me-smile-meter (in no order of importance): Lil Sharon, Esther Lam, Peannette (Peanut's and my sister), My mom who's hopping abt reliving her old chapteh-champion days, the Kang Twins, Sheryl, Ber! and lots of ppl i know i'm forgetting at the moment..

toddlers nodding off, downy heads bobbing off to the side as they perch on those seats at the back of bicycles so common in Pasir Ris!

A.R. Bernard

Phil Pringle's podcasts

the idea of SALE!

lunch dates w ppl in school *hint hint

a good book (and the rarity of such treasures guarantees a grin with lasting effects for up to a week)

nice green things

being out at the park

the thought of ALL of my cousins, n my 1 nephew

going home after a LOOOOnnngggGG day at school (specifically the three-almost-back-to-back-tutorials on Thurs)

My Math lecturer who makes such an effort to reiterate the points and make sure we get it. Thanks …

Missing Person

Missing Person by Michael W. Smith & Wayne Kirkpatrick

Another question in me
One for the powers that be
It's got me thrown and so I
Put on my poker-face
And try to figure it out
This undeniable doubt
Common occurence - feeling so out of place
God am I cynical now?
Can't help but wondering how
My heart evolved into a
Rock beating inside of me
So unreal
Such a historic ordeal
Where's that feeling that I don't feel?

There was a boy who had the faith to move a mountain
And like a child he would believe without a reason
Without a trace he disappearedinto a void and
I've been searching for that missing person
for that missing person

Under the lavender moon
so many thoughts consuming
moved in the glowing light that
once burned so bright in me
is this a radical phase
the problematical age
that keeps me running from all that i used to be
is there a way to return
is there a way to unlearn
that common knowledge
that's chipping away at my soul
i've been gone too long
will i ever find my way home…


an NUS-ian! lol.. realized from gleaning my friends' blogs that i haven't really mentioned much abt life in NUS. Well, I don't really count uni life to have really begun full-swing - this week's the deciding week! Tutorials begin!!! I've only just awakened to the fact that it's bye-bye holidays and back to the books. One thing I can say abt Uni life, it's real fast-paced. And independence, teach-less-learn-more? Understatement of the year!!!

I mean, mid yrs in 6 weeks! 2 weeks alr down.. I'm like, where did the days fly to??? Last night n this morning's the first i actually sat down n organized my desk n get acquainted with my friends Demand-and-Supply (egads, econs, don't get me started). Lol.. but finally getting my own laptop's a great motivation to be studious. U know, studious in the way children getting their new assessment books get.

It's funny how i've always been excited about starting university, (esp during JC days, if only…
Finally! Typing this from my new laptop - dude.. regardless of the fact that it's an Acer Travelmate and that all of e peeps i've raved abt it so far have, oh so tactfully mentioned how fujitsu is better (with the exception of Jean!!! XD).. i love it!

Ok, so ends well the initiation period into uni life. Had a total meltdown in the toilet last wk. So Joyce Meyer's sermon was totally for the now. I think i take things too seriously sometimes. reaction reaction.

God, help me OVERCOME.

I'm pretty excited abt this dhoppers group i just found in NUS, tt holds hip hop classes. It'd be a total outlet for me this sem, now that I've to take Econs as my 5th mod, instead of critical writing or my SS module!!! Xp Alright.. but it's pretty exciting learning something entirely new so.. =d

I agree with La - I love being a student again! And like my cousin said, this is the best time of our lives. Of course, glory to glory - i will LOVE n be PASSIONate abt my career so yea.…

All This Time

I'm a father and a son
I've been a lover with just one
but this world can get me all undone
and i'm frightened i'm the only one
i wrestle with the thoughts i keep
if i sow the seed of arrogance
then it's loneliness i'll reap
it's loneliness i'll reap

please don't leave me stranded here
with a head of lies and a heart of fear
my life's a show on God's TV
the world an audience watching me

so wake me, shake me, keep me sharp
as i touch the power of God's great harp
and this world can fill your head with praise
that steals me from eternal grace
so how can i serve God and wealth?
i can captivate an army
but i can't control myself
i can't control myself

Ghostly figure out at sea
i hear a voice that's calling me
to walk upon the waves of faith
for in the arms of God, I AM SAFE

All this time
since the day that i was born
i've never known a time like this
i don't wanna let you down

I will sing, sing for your light has come
awesome timing God. really. it's times like these tt i KNOW u exist like, in-my-face.

i think i will start to think more before i speak, n mean it with conviction n all my heart.

Ok, odd i-dunno-what-u-call-that-branched-off-random-thought tt prob Jing xuan knows the word to. ^^ moving on. i suddenly recall e message abt how to know if God is really the first in my life - when i stop worrying. N i guess tt's wat everything is linked to. taking on more than i can chew. caring more than i can love. getting bummed abt things i cannot change.

i agree w wat Sean said. It's weird how we get stumbled or hurt or offended by ppl in life, even church ('gasp, no! really?'), n we go into this i-dunno-y-being-a-christian's-more-complicated-than-not-being n stuff like tt that ALL of us hv played w before, the revelation hits us that we're really blaming God. Like, we stop wanting to pray, like, bug off God, not in the mood. N want to sleep all day. Or cry the load, the w…

Seeking to be comforted

definitely PMS-ing. BUT - wow, it DOES feel good to decide to feel the opposite of depressed n touchy. But it takes more than tt sometimes - really need to get back into God's presence n train myself to stay there more n more.

this is what i got from just flipping open a book tt caught my eye in my bro's room.

You're Something Special

Romans 8:39 the whole world will ever be able to separate us from the love of God.

We want to know how long God's love will endure.. Not just on Easter Sunday when our shoes are shined and our hair is fixed.... Not when I'm peppy and positive and ready to tackle world hunder. Not then. I know how he feels about me then. Even I like me then.

I want to know how he feels about me when I snap at anything that moves, when my thoughts are gutter-level, when my tongue is sharp enough to slice a rock. How does he feel about me then?...

Can anything separate us from the love Christ has for us?

God answered our question before we asked it.…


AI! a public apology for being too lazy n insensitive to devote a paragraph to you! XppPpp so i shall make up for it with an 'AILEEN' post! woo~!

=) thanks Ai! you're the sweetest! =) thanks for taking the time to really beautify little gifts and cards.. though we're not living tgt anymore, but it's really gratifying to know that us twins are still in your thoughts! Really thank God for His wisdom in putting people like you in my life. I think He also know what a big POK i am, and even though we're so different in characters etc. but He use you to teach me how to relax, teach me to like Korean dramas (HARHAR), to be open to new stuff and generous to friends! Hahaha.. I laugh even remembering all the times when we 3 are watching a movie (after finally deciding on one we ALL like T.T''), and Je and I are heatedly discussing and dissecting the movie plot, you really bring the balance with your 'HUH?! Can you all just watch the show without talking so mu…

what we have received

1. time
2. faith
3. hope
4. a powerful backer
5. anointing
6. grace
7. power
8. strength
9. love
10. comfort
11. family
12. friends
13. home
14. talents
15. financial security
16. a future
17. a destiny
18. a calling
19. a dream
20. God



So many things to thank God for! Sometimes during CG though, i'll be like, eh i know i have something to share but what(?!?!) during testimony time. Lol.. ok, just a list cos it's 0133 and there's church this morning (YEA!) so a bit 'seh~' (my new word =D)

1. God
as in, not in the 'ya must put God first in everything so yea, here it is, evidence. gr.' but really, this year's emerge, with Pst's Sermon on the Mount series preparing the way, it really did it. And the fact that God pursues us with His love, even surrounding non-believers with his common grace, so that whether most believe in God or not they will still be able to live life successfully. The evidence is all there. Forgot to pray? yea, but He still shows up. I finally feel like I'm starting to see colors, breathe fresher air, move more freely.. and like the song;

Better than the riches of this world,
Better than the sound of my friends' voices,
Better than the biggest dreams of my heart…
Elizabeth Berg in Open House (Good book; recommended in Oprah Winfrey's Book Club n bought by yours truly at the EXPO book fair!!! XD): of the young people these days, "I think most young people today are so focused on tomorrow they forget all about today. And I think they're as afraid of happiness as they are of pain! Scared to say they care. Scared to take a chance. Scared to say they're just as sentimental and full of human need as people always have been and always will be."

Speaking as a young person who has 19 years of my past to look back on (FINALLY I get to say that), I agree. Speaking as one who would not have taken the chance to love till recently, it's true. My response in the past would have been defensive, or somehow proud of this attribute that will take its place among many acquired ones,in my collection of "Things to describe Joanne and give her an identity so that she'll be unique and different from other homo sapiens".

There ar…


After this Emerge, it's really a new faith that is placed in my heart that the Christian walk is possible and there's a new thing everyday of my life. No doubt about it that the devil is working hard. More and more each day, I hear people backsliding because of reasons that are acceptable by the world's standards, but when you look through the perspective of God's GOODNESS that none of us deserve yet have experienced, there's no acceptability about these reasons at all.

I very sincerely add this disclaimer that I'm not talking about people I know who've backslided, but myself and my own attitudes and mentality ever since I joined church. If anything, my heart has only just begun to begin the Christian walk which my body has these past 5 years.

I like Pst Kenneth Hagin Jr for one fact that liberated me: no one on earth now, or past, or present (other than Jesus) cares for you more than you yourself does.

Sometime, I gotta face up to the decisions I've made so far. Sure, step 1 of growing up: clean up after yourself. Step 2: take care of yourself
But that's harder said than done. It's sobering to realize that all my decisions geared towards feeding my short-term desires (i want to sleep, i want to read, i want good food, i want to have fun, i want to live life now) have not always been beneficial. After 19 years of living, the past few months having to fend for myself financially & exercising more freedom in going where i want to, have all shown me one thing - i've little or close to nothing for which i am proud of.

Yea - caring. Does it all boil down to making another person/yourself feel good, giving whatever it takes so a person's so-called need is satisfied or showing love only in a way that the othe…

on hands and knees

yea quite excited abt all these stuff coming up in the next few months

1. New house - moving by May 26th

2. POS - May 31st!!!!!!!!!!! O.O'''

3. Emerge - May 31st - Jun 2nd ^^

4. Beloved cousins coming over! Mid-June & Mid-July!

5. Redang trip! Snorkeling! XD Jun 3rd - 7th WOO~

6. SERMON ON THE MOUNT - it's exciting to be on the same page as the rest of the church. :'@ v touched :)

are there words enough to express
the me crying out for you
sweep aside all other things
i'm coming in pressing in
i say i decide i persist
that i want more
i will receive more
i will get my breakthrough
the road sweeps wide in front of me
my flesh despairs
but my spirit leaps with joy
that i still have a chance
to do things right
no matter the detours
i still have time
oh God take me beyond this flesh
that experiences tiredness
that is easily depressed
that cannot love beyond things i understand
i want to see -
depth beyond the natural
i want to hear -
your voice of hope speaking into my situation
your plans…


Here ache, there ache, everywhere ache!
That's a summary of how going back for POS training after a 1.5 yr hiatus does to you! hahaha~ but no regrets - seeing people (jc2s!) sacrificing sleep, studies, family time n comfort to put together a performance to inspire other youths to get on fire, it's either you get it or you don't.
Haha.. I remember again how tiring Emerge conference is, both before and during the whole event. BUT like wat many say, if you don't get involved physically, you can't get the most out of the conference spiritually. It's not too late guys!
Thank God, that He's really blessed my family time - quality, not quantity. ><
Last Sunday, we celebrated Mom's Day (get ahead of the crowd this week! hehe.. smart move eh.. Mom's idea, not mine!) at Changi Airport's Swensons. Woohoo... everyone was just leaving room for the ice cream la! Anyway, Swensons has really improved their menu so really, a RECOMMENDATION here for u guys rack…
You are feeling exhausted, worn out, drained. You feel that far too much is being asked of you but you still want to overcome these difficulties and establish yourself despite the effect such an effort seems to have on you. You are a proud person, assertive most of the time, but at this particular moment you are acting as if you have become resigned to the situation. What you need is some tender loving care - a gentle pat on the head (or maybe a 'kick-up-the backside') and then you'll be raring to go.
I think more like a good chat with a good friend would do good =) Miss Ber!>< It's great to find ppl who share the same passions you do eg. Ber, but it's miraculous to click with ppl who don't but whom you love the same! eg. Mic, La, Ai, Jean etc.
Being a likeable person you get on well with neighbours and friends. You don't need anything to 'Rock your boat'. You want to 'love' and to be loved'.
Relationship-wise - rocking-boat situation…

Mom's Day!

OK, I'm finally prepared for Mom's Day 2007! I'm always caught unawares la... despite all the advertising going on - haha~ i mean, other than Aileen (who memorizes ad jingles for goodness' sakes), we all zonk out during ads right? RIGHT??? Xp
But I decided that this week shall be Mother's Week! =D
To do's for me mom:
1. do the ironing voluntarily so she'll think she stepped into the wrong house
2. wake up by myself (ok, this is more of a long-term goal)
3 wake up to relieve mom of breakfast duties ><
4. be upbeat and positive, be the best I can be, be responsible for my own emotional health so I can contribute to the family atmosphere =D
5. kiss her
6. hugs
7. Dinner on the kids!
8. Present (still pondering what to buy...T.T'')
9. Clean up around the place
10 Have QUALITY TIME instead of QUANTITY time to argue and make each other unhappy ><
Hmm.. was thinking about time management today while running at the park (tip: just hurry up get off your bac…

Sorry & thanks

alright.. come to think of it, my job isn't bad. I do like the people, though I hardly talk to them. haha.. in this last week of my job, i'm suddenly flooded with work - did you know you can type till your hand feels real weird? haha~ that's twice today that i fell asleep in front of the comp, totally unintentional(!) and drooled la! ><

cham~ i need eyedrops. :p

i think what amuses me most is when i overhear (eh, not eavesdrop, really cannot help it) my colleagues on the phone. Lol! Oookkay, this is called 'beggars can't be choosers'; but really, can be quite funny - and sweet.

Like when they speak to exasperating 'complainers', they have no qualms in showing their annoyance. My supervisor's head is super frank la! I really never met such a person as her - if i were the one on the other end getting scolded like a schoolkid by her, I'd be lidat --> '''O.O'''
hahaha~ but i quite pei fu those ppl w jobs needing them to …
Welcome to my home. Yes, yes, that's the living room. Yup - imported the furniture, 10 grand can you imagine? does he like it? what does that expression mean? Oh, let me show you the kitchen, I'm very proud of the oven. That's my bedroom to my left; yes, I pray there - oh, play the guitar too. There's my library, only fine literature there. Oh and books, yea, I try to read those once in a while - what? oh no, not the bible! Oh yes, just a little dust there. I read my bible every night. Really. quick diversion! Come along now, here's the guest room; I hope you'll be comfortable. I'm sorry it's set at the back here. I didn't think your flight would come in so early. Here, set your bags there, I'll get the sheets and make up your bed. See, the window opens up to the front gardens and - and, oh no, you don't want to go there. Oh that? Na, I keep a few doors locked around the house. It's just - a security precaution. No, of course! Just make …


Gosh - I think the hardest thing about thinking or introspection, is abt how you portray yourself to ppl. I know opinionated ppl really push my buttons, but funny how I can come across pretty annoying sometimes. Haha.. I think that's one part I really need to face - my own contradictory nature, not others'.

Today's service was really good, in that it was totally 0 hype, 50% disciplining yourself, 50% move of God.

I was really (really really really) tired. Like stoning on my feet. First time tt I actually felt how hard it is to tell ur body that you don't wanna sleep, you wanna get this cos it really applies to you! And really.. God really moved when I moved. It's awesome! So many things that I've heard preached and talked about, things I've learnt as fact by accepting it, now I'm experiencing it like having a 'first time' every week!

Things like, 'discipline', when I'd just heard a message on it days before, I'll be challenged to do…


These are soundbites from Phil Pringle's 'Strategies for Success - Discipline'

- 'I can understand why people believe in evolution. Before our spirit came alive, our body is an animal! We're driven by animal instincts, our lusts, emotions, desires.'

- 'Jesus: Go, therefore and make disciples...'

-' What makes a disciple? You need discipline.'

- 'Your emotions, your desires, hopes, dreams, passions, intellect - your hold being, is held together by one single thread. That is your will, your choice.'

- 'Say with me, discipline. I know, it's hard to say isn't it. We're more used to saying things like, 'FREEDOM!'

- An undisciplined, undiscipled life, is like a wild horse, a brumby, running out there in the wilderness. Oh, it looks beautiful you know, free, inspiring but basically, it's useless. Yea, you can't use it for anything, it won't obey you, it's energies and strengths won't be harnessed by anyone …


You know, what Mark Conner said is true.
We're not just trying to be better people. If that were the case, I think i'd struggle more comfortably out of church than in it!
But it's really about reading the Bible, and learning from the 'guidebook', how to train yourself to be holy, to be righteous, all those cheem words we don't really understand.

I'm learning to guard my QT jealously. This is after the conference with Benny Hinn!
I went there with doubts - i'd read in Christian websites, or heard from my relatives overseas, the criticisms he faces; why does he ask for offerings to fund his crusades? how come some ppl don't get healed in his crusade? why does he have to be so dramatic? does he think he's the one healing? etc & etc.
But really, when I was in the choir, i could feel how there was a lack of the presence of God throughout the praise - maybe cos the audience didn't know the songs, and there weren't lyrics.
But when Pst Benny came…

God Billboards!

Please don't drink and drive. you're not quite ready to meet me yet. God Could you imagine the price of air if it were brought to you by another supplier? God When you're weary, feeling small. When tears are in your eyes, i will them all. Simon & Garfunkel Ditto. God Earthlings, don't treat me like an alien. God If you miss the sunrise I made for you today, never mind. I'll make you another one tomorrow. God How can you possibly be a self-made man? I specifically recall creating you. God If you think the Mona Lisa is stunning, you should look at my masterpiece. In the mirror. God Don't forget your umbrella. I might water the plants today. God I think you're the most beautiful person in the world. Okay, so I'm biased. God Tell the kids I love them. God Let's meet at my house Sunday before the game. God We need to talk. God Keep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer. God Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage. God Will the road you're on get you to my …

stronger joy. firmer purpose. greater love. bigger vision. solid foundation. taller building. more mercy. wider arms. more genuine concern.

le struggle

you know what, i just wanna finish this TV programme.. i dun even feel like praying..
God, you understand right, this is like the only time i fellowship with my family - u understand
Joanne. Joanne. Joanne.

i dun need this aggravation right now - i mean, i have so many other things to do - God, make up your mind, which do you want me to do first???
Ok.. God, I get where you're coming from, seek you first and all tt right.. but dude, you need to explain like step-by-step man, i dun see how juggling all this is do-able!!!
Come Joanne, step out of your boat and walk to me. Even when you start sinking, you only have to call out. Step out and watch me do a miracle!

God, if these ppl go through so much with you and they still backslide, where does that put me??
I think i'm gonna sleep on this.
I will never forsake you - remember my goodness.

God, everything's messed up. Sometimes it seems like i can't get into the lives of ppl i love. Can't help or give anything. I don't wan…