No Reserves, No Retreats, No Regrets

Haven't given much attention to the news ever since work started, so yeah, the General elections were an eye-opener, but absolutely no clue about the upcoming Presidential elections. Something I don't like about the media (and ironically, social media): its limited scope - it cannot possibly capture the feelings of the mass majority, yet so much weightage is given to what is published. Inevitably, the loudest voice gets heard, not necessarily the wisest or the more representative. Just watched American History X again. Dunno, some days you just feel prepared to take on the violent stuff you know? (As evident, movies like this just give me sleepless nights...) So, 0236 hours. What am I thinking... Well, it doesn't take much for us to hate. Us, as in, any human. It doesn't even matter if we really went through stuff, like how the main characters' father got murdered. All it takes is for us to get the perception that we were wronged, our rights were withheld or

totally necessary to go through times where you're sorry to the world for being yourself... but it's a bore being the only attendee to a pity-party. i like what Zhangma shared during cell group last week though - periods of drought are necessary for a harvest. and i think coming out of this taught me to not be so hard on myself... so that i won't be hard on others. and that's a good thing.

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where there is fear, there is an opportunity to discover courage.

What a year for the 11th general elections to be held. Singaporeans seem to have taken up the cry for revolution that was sparked off by protestors in Egypt. I wonder if the fall of the economy in 2010 did not also bring down with it the implicit faith that the masses the world over, had in their governments. But this elections is more complicated than that. It's making me regret not taking a political science module this semester, that's for sure. The large turnout at the rallies reminded me of the book, Playing the Enemy by John Carlin. In it, Carlin wrote an account of how Nelson Mandela worked for the eradication of apartheid in South Africa, from the time he was incarcerated through his first few years as President. He didn't just enforce policies to work towards that aim, he embodied the message he was bringing by forgiving his jailors and being the bridge between the Afrikaaners and the native Africans. Mind you, the title doesn't bear any significance in this co

I relish long bus rides, just as when I was younger and such bus rides signified a trip to some exciting destination. Now though, bus rides are a unique experience in itself. I like to choose a seat somewhere near the back door, where I get a good vantage point of what goes on in the bus. Then, I unplug my earphones, settle down and observe. In the early mornings, the commuters are a hodgepodge of sullen schoolchildren with hooded eyes and skewed uniforms, housewives with their shopping carts on their way to the wet market, and young working adults in their shined shoes and crinkled office uniforms. My favorites are the retirees. Dressed in a simple white top, loose slacks, neat shoes and vintage suspenders, an old man who lives in my neighborhood boards the bus every morning without fail, to make his way to the nearby town centre for his breakfast routine. It makes me sit up a little straighter, when this stooped old man makes his way up the aisle with concise steps. Everything in

My aunt on the far left, on a family trip to Malaysia. Tay Beng Hay. I wouldn't say that she had no option but to live with us. Anything would have been better than taking up the role of permanent caretaker of a house crammed with 3 families and their brood of 9. Even if she were the spinstress aunt with little social experience other than the terrorizing first (and last) day of primary school, I'm sure there were options. I can picture it though, how she would have shrugged her shoulders in that resigned way of hers, and bowed her head to a life she was familiar with. Laundry, home-cooked meals, quiet hours spent staring into space. Till now, I couldn't say if we brought her more joy or pain. There are vague memories of her quiet presence during spontaneous performances by the organ or the piano, and then the subsequent low humming that signaled her appreciation for our music. A wan smile or two sent our way as we clustered around birthday cakes or the odd, random o

Spent a Sat afternoon standing at a corner, watching a weird mix of people walking up to the stage and delivering 15-20 min speeches at TEDxNUS talk. And I thought, these are the doers, these are the people who weren't afraid to fail. Whether they made the right or wrong decisions, something great had to come out of what they persistently endeavored to do... because they put their ideas into action. And it made me think, Jo, if you didn't fear anything, what would you do? I would stop criticizing, because I would realize that life is too short to try to control what others do. AND I would start celebrating people, because that's what gives me energy to do what I need to do. The funny thing is, when seen in the right light, people's faults become endearing and you can actually say that there is a beauty in our imperfection. The only thought that all my reading boils down to: " What is man that You are mindful of him,Or the son of man that You take care of him?"

I need to start living my life pursuing the things I love, not just living it to resist what I don't like. Rethink. Rethink. The world isn't going to stop for me. And it feels good to drop out of things and just stop. And ask why. It's a redundant question - I know the answer. I think, I just need to hear people say it. So that I know I'm not alone thinking like this. But then, I think I gotta get used to being alone. I know God will find me.

Thought of You from Ryan J Woodward on Vimeo .

1. I wanna see my parents grin and mouth the words 'graduate with honors'... then go research what honors mean. 2. Whether I like it or not, everything I do reflects my attitude. Excellence, discipline, perseverance, committment... they go beyond emotions. 3. I wanna be able to say to my children that I did my best... without being hypocritical. 4. I really wanna get something out of this semester... even if what the Profs are trying to teach gets lost in translation sometimes. 5. No matter how disillusioned I get about reality, I do believe in the importance of education. Just that maybe I've learnt to be more flexible about the forms it takes... 6. If I can't do this simple thing now, then all the big things I wanna do in future = hot air. so... somehow I'm gonna make something out of this last sem. frankly, i do like the challenge. :)

this week was epic because... (sounds like the start of a primary school journal entry... but do i care?) 1. no matter how different we become, wombmate and I will always faint over the same movies. 2. of homemade meals and gifts... :''') 3. my birthday was more important to my friends than it was to me. they had to wake me up for it! 4. Jang made me a CARD! and took us out for dinner though she was tired :) it was nice being able to talk and be totally insensitive and immature to her and still be loved though... shoutout to Jang! 5. my mum may not say the right things all the time but i finally get her. Mum rocks. 6. my dad shook me awake with a "Happy birthday" then ran off before I was fully conscious. 7. all the friends who wished me their blessings for the year...!

words. :) no books. no presents. just a note, an email... whatever. i'd really appreciate thought more than anything else. as for time spent catching up, my 23rd year is gonna be dedicated to that. so don't let this day stress you out. ;) if your reaction to this post is, 'when's her birthday again?', know that i appreciate the thought but you don't have to find out ;)

Tenth Avenue North - You Are More from Provident Label Group on Vimeo . 'Cause this is not about what you've done, But what's been done for you. This is not about where you've been, But where your brokenness brings you to This is not about what you feel, But what He felt to forgive you, And what He felt to make you loved. You are more than the choices that you've made, You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, You are more than the problems you create, You've been remade.

what with valentine's day & red & pink streamers along the walkways in school, i've been thinking about love. it's funny how most of my friends say that now's not the time for them to commit to that significant other. i can't speak for them, but i think i know how to explain why i am one of the singles-by-choice(-and-circumstance). honestly , as much as it boggles some people's minds, this is not one of the instances where women say 'no' when actually they mean 'yes'. the Bible has always taught about how we cannot give if we do not receive. i realized just today that i haven't learnt how to receive love wholeheartedly. therefore, i cannot imagine myself loving someone else. maybe that's why we always whole dear our first loves. it is probably the only time our hearts are flung wide open to taste love for the first time. hand in hand with that is the experience of the pain of rejection. we learn to calculate and measure out love.

"For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you." - Paul, in Romans 12:3 I've been beating myself up a lot lately. Gotta admit that I deserve my grades for my cavalier attitude towards my studies... though I can't say that I regret sacrificing the time for things I believe in. But judgment has got to be balanced with faith. These past few days, I forgot what it felt like to believe. I don't want to get jaded, or feel like I need to do things I don't believe in just to survive and get ahead of others. Sometimes feeling foolish is the price to pay for committing to what you believe in... "The more men have to lose, the less willing are they to venture. The rich are in general slaves to fear..." - Thomas Paine, in Common Sense. I gotta keep remembering, where I came from, and not hold so t