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awesome timing God. really. it's times like these tt i KNOW u exist like, in-my-face.

i think i will start to think more before i speak, n mean it with conviction n all my heart.

Ok, odd i-dunno-what-u-call-that-branched-off-random-thought tt prob Jing xuan knows the word to. ^^ moving on. i suddenly recall e message abt how to know if God is really the first in my life - when i stop worrying. N i guess tt's wat everything is linked to. taking on more than i can chew. caring more than i can love. getting bummed abt things i cannot change.

i agree w wat Sean said. It's weird how we get stumbled or hurt or offended by ppl in life, even church ('gasp, no! really?'), n we go into this i-dunno-y-being-a-christian's-more-complicated-than-not-being n stuff like tt that ALL of us hv played w before, the revelation hits us that we're really blaming God. Like, we stop wanting to pray, like, bug off God, not in the mood. N want to sleep all day. Or cry the load, the whatever tt's in ur chest, Off.

but yea. when i get past e blaming, then hello fear. so here i am, jumping from emotion to emotion in 5 seconds, n i get some talking to, do some stretching but still feel tt way somewhere deep down.

AND I check my email aft a week or so, n there is Pst Phil's weekly podcast sitting in my inbox, TOTALLY imparting faith on ENCOURAGEMENT n talking abt my life.

Things like words jumping out from Max Lucado books, from lyrics of hip songs we jump to in church.. tt ain't just coincidence. It's 1) a physical pat on the back from a God who understands; 2) a reminder tt beyond our imaginings n judgements abt CG members who aren't there, who don't accept me, who can't click with me, i CAN find God's love in them. I just need to be AROUND n desperate enough to know what's good for me.

I mean, how come when i have a problem, i can go to Jean who's so totally opposite from me sometimes i wonder at God's humor, expecting some rictus snarl of horror at a demented sister like me, but get this 'I understand. I was just going through that last week. Here's what God said.' talk. it has to say something tt despite all the frustrations n complicated emotions tt go along w being placed in the same cg as 20 other completely different people, iron sharpens iron.

GOD IS SMILING OVER US TONIGHT
GOD IS SMILING OVER US TONIGHT
AND WHAT UNITES US IS MUCH STRONGER
THAN WHAT DIVIDES US
GOD IS SMILING OVER US TONIGHT

-Delirious?

if this song has to apply within a church, within a cg, it just says tt the devil is alive, GOD IS ALIVE, n we need to know this n start making decisions.

Comments

SEAN said…
hey feeling the same here man.. having some strange mood swings. :S haha.dunno why =/
Anonymous said…
preach it lady!

- mic
Anonymous said…
haha.i can't think of a word except my favorite word: RANDOM!

jx

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