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There must be more than this
Oh breath of God come breathe within
There must be more than this
Spirit of God we wait on You

Fill us anew we pray
Fill us anew we pray

Consuming fire fan into flame
A passion for Your name
Spirit of God won't You fall in this place
Lord have your way Lord have your way in us

Stir it up in our hearts Lord
Stir it up in our hearts Lord
Stir it up in our hearts Lord a passion for your name

As Sy Rogers said today, there are things we can look back on, our memorial stones, that encourage us and give us strength to move forward. I rmb a time I was so far away and so tired of people in general, cos really it's relationships that really get me down - n when Jean would walk in on me crying or just sitting and not even having the energy to do stuff, she would listen n say 'just cry out to God alright?' and that would be the last thing i wanted to hear. sometimes you know what to do, and you know what the advice will be, but when the emotions are not there, and the benefits seem too long in coming, you just don't see HOW you can face another attempt at praying and not feeling anything at all.

i love books. i would read and read all day. i rushed home from sec school, the fastest one out of there, to stay home. just leave me alone, you know? but there came a time when the bad stuff of life through those books, just really got you down too - and i knew that why i hang on to God, why i keep going to church even though i love having all the free time in my hands on weekends, is that i MUST believe that there is more than what this world can offer. with every good time, holidays, scenery, good memories, there's always the depression that overshadows everything. i need to know that there is goodness greater than the depravity of humankind, and that with every effort to do good, alleviate poverty, feed the hungry, that in the end, it pays off. if that is taken away from me, then there is really no point living. i cannot live for activities - being a beach bum, travelling, chilling with friends; what's the point when you're left alone with your thoughts at the end of the day? clothes; what's the point when the most you can look good and enjoy the attention for is for a night? knowledge and good grades; what's the point when i can't even stand who i am?

there is a great tiredness to doing all the things we do in church, for our members - cos it's tiring to love and sometimes the fruits don't seem to come and i am often grieved. but then i can turn and enter his rest, knowing i've done my best and because of his help, i can do better. it's not so much the doing of things, but it's the fulfillment you get when one person opens up, it makes your day!

there was a time i rebelled and was angry with those who led me but it was always what Sun said in one of her visits; don't grieve your leaders, you have no idea how much they've given up for you. so, a big THANK YOU and a great HUG from me, to people like Jocelin, Michelle, for letting me have the time that i need to grow up in my thinking and take responsibility for things beyond my life. To people like Chuting, Bobby, Mindy - for great sacrifices that even now, i will never fully understand. I do remember, the things you guys said, and i do look back, especially now, when i will have the capacity to want to understand, the exhortations and the faith you all have in us.

And the greatest thanks to my hiding place, who has waited countless times when i pushed him to the sidelines to make space for my hobbies, my dreams and goals - yes, You are more than enough. even if there is nothing else that holds any allure for me, gives me any reason to stay, i will because of you.

Comments

Joyce said…
I typed in the lyrics to this song because I thought there must be more than this, and came across your blog. What you say resonates with what how I feel and I appreciate this post.

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