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Elizabeth Berg in Open House (Good book; recommended in Oprah Winfrey's Book Club n bought by yours truly at the EXPO book fair!!! XD): of the young people these days, "I think most young people today are so focused on tomorrow they forget all about today. And I think they're as afraid of happiness as they are of pain! Scared to say they care. Scared to take a chance. Scared to say they're just as sentimental and full of human need as people always have been and always will be."

Speaking as a young person who has 19 years of my past to look back on (FINALLY I get to say that), I agree. Speaking as one who would not have taken the chance to love till recently, it's true. My response in the past would have been defensive, or somehow proud of this attribute that will take its place among many acquired ones,in my collection of "Things to describe Joanne and give her an identity so that she'll be unique and different from other homo sapiens".

There are many things that can be left to opinion, preference, free will and whatever crap that our generation suddenly stands for when it runs out of words to justify its mistakes. But I do - finally - believe that love, and loving people, loving God, that's where true fulfillment lies.

I just realized why I've not loved the things of God the way others do, or the way He wants me to. I just realized today as I tore myself away from my books and my cable TV and my bed, why my bursts of inspiration are temporal and my discouragement so entrenched.

Somehow, through FEARING and not pursuing God, through the other GOOD activities that fill my life but take my devotion from Him, I have missed out on the fact that God is pursuing me.

Hang all the 'the ball is in your court' stuff.

God is pursuing me. God is pursuing YOU!

For that, I will rise up and pursue Him. I will seek for what I need because that is common sense, not weakness. I will not content myself on substitutes but hunger for the best that God has set aside for me. I will not waste my time. And with His help, I can.


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As Sy Rogers said today, there are things we can look back on, our memorial stones, that encourage us and give us strength to move forward. I rmb a time I was so far away and so tired of people in general, cos really it's relationships that really get me down - n when Jean would walk in on me crying or just sitting and not even having the energy to do stuff, she would listen n say 'just cry out to God alright?' and that would be the last thing i wanted to hear. sometimes you know what to do, and you know what the advice will be, but when the emotions are not there, an…

on mountains and perspective

Kept awake by a bout of traveler's diarrhea and the ensuing abdominal colic. Just been back from an attempt at Mount Kinabalu, 'highest mountain in Southeast Asia'. Okay, those apostrophes are there out of bitterness... it really is the highest mountain in Southeast Asia. And I couldn't even attempt the summit. Made it to the base camp at 3067 m though... that's what it says on my black-and-white certificate - colored ones are only for successful summit-ers.  Crrr!

But I made it back with my life. And I'm humbler for the attempt, though how could I resist the parting shot: "I'll be back!"?

But on a more serious note, it's an awesome thing, a beautiful gift to be able to get out there into as natural a surrounding you can get (without dying a slow tv-less death from cold, altitude sickness, projectile vomit and did I mention cold?). It truly seems like one never can be happy - despite all my first-world comforts, I'd gladly pay to painfully…

hello from the other side

hello to the old me (6 years, yikes!)

hello from someone who's discovered that old is just another word for diminishing physical capacity, but increasing everything-else capacity!

The old me would have said, I should have posted more regularly and I shall post more often now... but I'm glad in hindsight that I held to my belief that I should only post when I've something positive to contribute. Not just words, but how they are birthed. Words written without vanity. And words written not to solicit approval in replacement of the lack of it elsewhere. Words that aren't hurried through the time needed to process and ruminate over the experiences of the past few years (dramatic in some aspects, mundane in most so all in all pretty much as per everyone else's I would expect!).

Still, a little mortifying to realise that I don't know how to work the buttons (!) and to realise I'd forgotten so many things, and yet in some respects, am still entirely the same.

And O…