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le struggle

you know what, i just wanna finish this TV programme.. i dun even feel like praying..
God, you understand right, this is like the only time i fellowship with my family - u understand
Joanne. Joanne. Joanne.

i dun need this aggravation right now - i mean, i have so many other things to do - God, make up your mind, which do you want me to do first???
Ok.. God, I get where you're coming from, seek you first and all tt right.. but dude, you need to explain like step-by-step man, i dun see how juggling all this is do-able!!!
Come Joanne, step out of your boat and walk to me. Even when you start sinking, you only have to call out. Step out and watch me do a miracle!

God, if these ppl go through so much with you and they still backslide, where does that put me??
I think i'm gonna sleep on this.
I will never forsake you - remember my goodness.

God, everything's messed up. Sometimes it seems like i can't get into the lives of ppl i love. Can't help or give anything. I don't wanna deal w ppl anymore, it's just complicated. it hurts.
God, I'm waiting to see your hand on these ppl i care so much abt. It's depressing me.
Come, am i not enough for you? My love never changes. Didn't when you turned away, shan't now and never will. 'A flickering lamp I will not snuff out, come you who are heavily laden and I will give you rest'.

I don't understand!
God, one day, pls explain this to me.
My girl, I can't wait to show you all the ways I've planned and designed ur life, so that you'll become the best you can be!

I once got guilty and hung up over my negative reactions to stuff around me.
Now I know it's something that will change if I stay in God, or it's just a mental assault.

I once tried to explain away my doubts in nice righteous language so i'll just limp along in my faith without questioning God.
Now I know that He wants me to relate honestly.

I once got too busy to listen.
Now I am training and recognizing that small voice.


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hello from the other side

hello to the old me (6 years, yikes!)

hello from someone who's discovered that old is just another word for diminishing physical capacity, but increasing everything-else capacity!

The old me would have said, I should have posted more regularly and I shall post more often now... but I'm glad in hindsight that I held to my belief that I should only post when I've something positive to contribute. Not just words, but how they are birthed. Words written without vanity. And words written not to solicit approval in replacement of the lack of it elsewhere. Words that aren't hurried through the time needed to process and ruminate over the experiences of the past few years (dramatic in some aspects, mundane in most so all in all pretty much as per everyone else's I would expect!).

Still, a little mortifying to realise that I don't know how to work the buttons (!) and to realise I'd forgotten so many things, and yet in some respects, am still entirely the same.

And O…


Haven't given much attention to the news ever since work started, so yeah, the General elections were an eye-opener, but absolutely no clue about the upcoming Presidential elections. Something I don't like about the media (and ironically, social media): its limited scope - it cannot possibly capture the feelings of the mass majority, yet so much weightage is given to what is published. Inevitably, the loudest voice gets heard, not necessarily the wisest or the more representative.

Just watched American History X again. Dunno, some days you just feel prepared to take on the violent stuff you know? (As evident, movies like this just give me sleepless nights...)

So, 0236 hours. What am I thinking... Well, it doesn't take much for us to hate. Us, as in, any human. It doesn't even matter if we really went through stuff, like how the main characters' father got murdered. All it takes is for us to get the perception that we were wronged, our rights were withheld or stolen…