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It's funny how the first reaction I get when people find out I took art, is: really? can you draw portraits/(eg. ME?)? I think that just reflects how instinctively, while landscapes and abstracts definitely have their beauty, man prices recreating the human body on paper as one of the highest forms of art.

Yesterday, i spent my hour and a half ride home, observing people on the train. I saw odd couples at the corners, absorbed in each other; old men in their various shapes and types, some once athletic, others worn from hard labor; the pinched faces of middle-aged women as they stared ahead of them; the smiles on the unlikely face of a teenager at the bright chatter of a hyperactive kid; a young girl with a store-bought birthday cake...

And I feel how amazing it is that God focuses on us. A little part in me agrees with God; there's no end to the permutations of people. I've always wondered how amazing it is that one does not only recognize a person by his appearance, but by his spirit. How so? Every person is uniquely identified by his idiosyncrasies - the relaxed smile that could only belong to Melissa, the disappearing, slanted eyes when she smiles, to Bernice, the head-tilted-back walk to Michelle, the brisk-walking and neck-scratching when she wakes to Sheila, the position which I'll always find Jeannette in before waking her up, Jonathan's peaceful reaction to any irritating stimulus, Aileen's eye-roll, Estella's way of holding her shoulders and her laughter... ...

Our spirit is truly unique, regardless of the clothes we put on with the changing fads, or the changes in attitude. And it's really only the growth in God that brings every characteristic of ourselves, out in full display. I'm not saying this just because I'm in church. But whether I'm down or still walking, i cannot deny that God gave me the song in my heart, He helped me discover a voice that could sound not for my own glory, a conviction over issues that I would not have dared to form years ago, the dance in my soul and feet.

It's funny how we give God a hard time, when all He wants to do is show us what to do with the tools He made to complement us. When all He wants to do is to help us reach our fullest potential the best way for us. How to live not giving credit where it's due? How to take the dreams He's given us and leave Him because of the passion that consumes us? How to say one thing and not live it?

And finally, with everything that He has poured out over us, the focus of his eye always drawn to our activities and our well-being, is it really unreasonable when we are called to focus on God?

the only time I'm really and completely relaxed is in that moment of worship, when my spirit is in peace doing what it should.


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As Sy Rogers said today, there are things we can look back on, our memorial stones, that encourage us and give us strength to move forward. I rmb a time I was so far away and so tired of people in general, cos really it's relationships that really get me down - n when Jean would walk in on me crying or just sitting and not even having the energy to do stuff, she would listen n say 'just cry out to God alright?' and that would be the last thing i wanted to hear. sometimes you know what to do, and you know what the advice will be, but when the emotions are not there, an…

on mountains and perspective

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But I made it back with my life. And I'm humbler for the attempt, though how could I resist the parting shot: "I'll be back!"?

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hello from the other side

hello to the old me (6 years, yikes!)

hello from someone who's discovered that old is just another word for diminishing physical capacity, but increasing everything-else capacity!

The old me would have said, I should have posted more regularly and I shall post more often now... but I'm glad in hindsight that I held to my belief that I should only post when I've something positive to contribute. Not just words, but how they are birthed. Words written without vanity. And words written not to solicit approval in replacement of the lack of it elsewhere. Words that aren't hurried through the time needed to process and ruminate over the experiences of the past few years (dramatic in some aspects, mundane in most so all in all pretty much as per everyone else's I would expect!).

Still, a little mortifying to realise that I don't know how to work the buttons (!) and to realise I'd forgotten so many things, and yet in some respects, am still entirely the same.

And O…