No Reserves, No Retreats, No Regrets

i've been uncomfortable with emotion i've been seeking to protect myself i've been easily discouraged i've been cynical i've been bitter i've been annoyed i've been tempted to be alone i've had distorted perceptions yup, definitely gonna be delivered from something.

=) Pastor Kong preached on Cultural Mandate today! (If there's one person u gotta emulate for preaching, it's Pastor. He ends on the dot! 3 lessons~~~) We were soooo tired cos we came late from Micko's 21st party (smiley faces upon recalling).. BUT on a toilet break (15 min!), we got into the same lift as Pastor! > *** Sometimes I look at people and see how they're really good at something or another. I'm not talking about talents, more like likeable personality traits. Sometimes I ask God what happened that made me lidat. Sometimes I don't talk to God because I dun wanna be angry. But I realized today that I don't want to be anything else - smart, disciplined, efficient, loving, popular - if i'm not this first, and that is that I will not stop quitting to follow after God. That means picking myself up. That means that when i fall, i turn to God and allow only Him to minister to me - no tidbits! I think it's true. Solitude is a necessary habit - I...

Right when there's a hundred and one things to do, Right when you're already scheduled for work, Right when you've appointments and assignments, Right when you've plans to buy stuff, Right when you've plans to hang out, Right when you're excited about all the above, i think that's when you get sick. i dunno if i've gotten the cause and effect thing the right way around. but came back from Kedah with a worsening cough. Lol... MUST relate what happened this morning, in the A.M. after work, when I was trying to catch up on my second assignment "Good Morning, Holy Spirit" by Benny Hinn. I was lying on my stomach over the edge of my bed and reading...ok, then naturally i fell asleep. *grr. The next thing i know, Jean's shaking me awake and saying, "you're bleeding you're bleeding!" I look down and I'm dripping orange-red liquid from my nose. HAHAHA~ I'm not laughing at that, i'm laughing at your reactions! XD Ok, it...

What i brought back from SOT today is a heartfelt conviction from Pst Tan. That Condemnation leads one to NOTHING, and Conviction leads us to repentance and hope and a change of ways. I'm stunned upon reflection, that i can count with my 2 hands the number of times i remember being convicted and repenting. Thank God that He really knows where I'm at and everything I need. The mission trip was more challenging than really enjoyable. But because I know that God's dealing with issues in my life, i can relax and be open about it now. It's good. There's so much more to grow and learn. Learn to take joy in what's challenging! Yah i know.. despite the emotions! > But yeah, I'm glad i made friends in SOT and learn abt different walks with God and fresh viewpoints about God from others. REALLY glad. =) Love U GOD! Awesome in every way!

many times in the old testament, spiritual examples like Jacob and Joseph set up stone monuments as a witness or to remember a moment in time, where they had an encounter with God. =.0 hmm, i want this post to be a witness to myself. i hope that when i forget and stray from what God speaks to me, by writing down my revelation, it will not only encourage others but convict myself as well. there is a reason why many times i'm provoked when people talk to me about clubbing, drinking alcohol, dressing up. what is there to prove? i'm reminded of how i was in secondary school days, when even religious activities like helping out in cell group, rising up etc. was done in the spirit of feeling useful, feeling accepted and seen, or even secure that I would be walking right in the sight of God because of the things i do. perhaps that is why i make it a point that i don't want to see or approve of people on account of the things they DO. so many times, we tend to form this presumption...

Actually, these past few days, there have been quite a lot of issues in my life that came under God's microscope. But one thing at the end of the day, that I'm thankful for, is that God has revealed His goodness to me. There was once a time when i thought that for God to show His name great, prove Himself good, was to provide for me. But the quote: "God has never disappointed me." from many weeks back, began to challenge that mindset. Of course God has disappointed me. But that is if my focus is on my old man. Truly, who can understand why God healed a backache but not deafness? who can predict when the blessings that were promised would come? But the mindset "God has never disappointed me" is one of faith. It is also one that must be put on. I learnt to let go - unclench my fists on what I've gained and hold on to for my security - and now there's space to hold what God has placed into my hands.

yst and today was a real breakthrough in school. i think not only the fact that with the addition of the final batch of Taiwanese students, there's new blood and new anointing from God. But also that the chalet during the weekend, though tiring physically, was a breakthrough in the spirit for me! quite amazing actually.. =) think the last few days have been a real test in my priorities - whether i can trust God and let go of certain things, and still believe that things will go smoothly without my effort. haha.. i'm not talking about being slack (cos i just got back my results too so ya..) - but ya, it was great to see God come through when i'm emotionally at an end. haha... despite the assignments and the mission trip this weekend, i know God will be my strength. Still need your prayers! =)