No Reserves, No Retreats, No Regrets

truth: once you stay awake past 4 am, there's no use going back to sleep. Not if you want to get up on time for normal life that morning that is. so here i am, monologuing my hours till daybreak. and being ministered by the likes of Jesus Culture, Switchfoot, OneRepublic... i'm serious guys, let's form a band. If only for the joys of banging away and focusing all energies to something more positive than... ranting... complaining... ;D Alright, back to work!

if we would just be still and accept the love not from an estranged creator or a God on holiday but from a Father who begot us in His imagination and birthed us even knowing our weaknesses, failures and rebellions. i wanna live on this love.

Was just talking to a friend - interestingly, on the topic of writing. Strange how the faster you try to grow up, the more you realize that who you really are could very well be epitomized by who you were as a child. Or maybe it was the intensity by which we, as children, believed in things. Like how I believed that I would one day be the youngest person to author a book (hey that's what kids do alright, dream!). I remember how I'd save up money to buy paper, and how the collection of fresh pages would get me excited about my next short story. There was the endless days of poring through books... then reading through them again and again to get something new from the pages. Then Christopher Paolini penned his first book, Eragon, at the age of 15. And I dropped that dream. Same with animation. Same with dancing. Same with music. It makes me think what I'm actually driven by? I'm glad I dropped those dreams then, if my motivation wasn't right. It reminds me of Coach C...

Jang, you'll like this! ;)

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our dark that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people don't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Timo Cruz , from 'Coach Carter'

When I got to the lowest I can get (back to that one thorn), this verse: 1 John 4:8 "He who does not love does not know God, for God is love." Because the first thing you do is to stop loving, and that is scarily quite easy. And I thank God that He is GOOD. He gives and He takes away BUT just because of who He is, it keeps me from walking away. Love is the only reason for sacrifice. And sacrifice is sacrfice, because we cannot comprehend why anyone should do so. I just got to remember that no one else could ever sacrifice as much as God did. Meaning: stop complaining, keep trying.

These few weeks have really been about walking out Col 3:23 for me. LOVED Pst Tan's message - it's so true. It's easier to 'have faith in the greatness of your own faith' than to have faith in the goodness of God. Been having trouble sleeping the past few weeks. I'm in the midst of organizing a clean tech conference in school in super short time and limited resources - on top of that, my mind has to constantly change mode from project meeting to project meeting, to leaders' meeting to ministry to all the various other committments in cell group and my own committment to my family and friends. I'm so thankful for the pre-semester post - it helped me remind myself that I have sat down, counted the cost, and agreed to commit. It's about burnt bridges and swearing to my own hurt now. But after the word shared by Pst Tan, I was so released to know that I can truly let go of the burdens. Not because there's going to be less to do, but because despite e...