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she was yesterday, I am now

Rest is more enjoyable when I've really worked.

I definitely could do with more prayer, more listening to where God wants me to go. A lot of the time, my heart is in one place, but duty calls in another.

Whatever it is, a simple regime has helped me this week - setting aside time everyday to thank God about something, learning to look at little things in a different way, not despising the small things =)

I don't know what got me started on researching on random things I always wondered about but never got around to finding out (actually, I know, lack of work. But I've learnt to shut up and enjoy worklessness sometimes =)). The Holocaust is one example.

Wow - it really got me thinking how good we have it. No matter where we are now, we are always better than the generations that have passed us - because even though we have let go of a lot of romanticism and idealism, values, chivalry, honor etc., it is in pursuit of collective knowledge.

(For example, Knowing that discrimination based on any aspect of an individual is unfounded. Can you imagine being hunted down just because you have the trademark eyes of a Chinese, for example? I mean, how in the world are you going to change that?)

We seriously have so much to be grateful for! Just randomly join Jean, Sean, Timothy, Joseph and K Luon for Iron Man 2 the other day and came across this photo exhibit on the Little Sisters-Nepalese girls of various ages, who are educated only because of the sponsorship of more affluent people. They really do their homework - they utilize every moment of sunlight. And it got me thinking about how much I complain about engineering etc. instead of finding out why I'm learning something.

I realize I don't like to just be dissatisfied with where I am - it's a start, but I want to have somewhere I can go towards. And I guess what I've learnt is that I just need to take that first step forward and find joy in the whole process of failing and succeeding all over again. Just living.


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As Sy Rogers said today, there are things we can look back on, our memorial stones, that encourage us and give us strength to move forward. I rmb a time I was so far away and so tired of people in general, cos really it's relationships that really get me down - n when Jean would walk in on me crying or just sitting and not even having the energy to do stuff, she would listen n say 'just cry out to God alright?' and that would be the last thing i wanted to hear. sometimes you know what to do, and you know what the advice will be, but when the emotions are not there, an…

on mountains and perspective

Kept awake by a bout of traveler's diarrhea and the ensuing abdominal colic. Just been back from an attempt at Mount Kinabalu, 'highest mountain in Southeast Asia'. Okay, those apostrophes are there out of bitterness... it really is the highest mountain in Southeast Asia. And I couldn't even attempt the summit. Made it to the base camp at 3067 m though... that's what it says on my black-and-white certificate - colored ones are only for successful summit-ers.  Crrr!

But I made it back with my life. And I'm humbler for the attempt, though how could I resist the parting shot: "I'll be back!"?

But on a more serious note, it's an awesome thing, a beautiful gift to be able to get out there into as natural a surrounding you can get (without dying a slow tv-less death from cold, altitude sickness, projectile vomit and did I mention cold?). It truly seems like one never can be happy - despite all my first-world comforts, I'd gladly pay to painfully…

hello from the other side

hello to the old me (6 years, yikes!)

hello from someone who's discovered that old is just another word for diminishing physical capacity, but increasing everything-else capacity!

The old me would have said, I should have posted more regularly and I shall post more often now... but I'm glad in hindsight that I held to my belief that I should only post when I've something positive to contribute. Not just words, but how they are birthed. Words written without vanity. And words written not to solicit approval in replacement of the lack of it elsewhere. Words that aren't hurried through the time needed to process and ruminate over the experiences of the past few years (dramatic in some aspects, mundane in most so all in all pretty much as per everyone else's I would expect!).

Still, a little mortifying to realise that I don't know how to work the buttons (!) and to realise I'd forgotten so many things, and yet in some respects, am still entirely the same.

And O…