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no genes for eyebags

it's quite amazing what you do when you lose control over yourself because you haven't bonded adequately with your bed. For example, i can't even read what i took down for service. And you can seriously be so tired you start crying because you are tired. Not because of emotional tiredness, or signs of nervous breakdown, or stress. Just a way for the body to unwind.

Definitely need a break. But it's only going to get more intense these few weeks. Took me a while to realize that my waiting for the day when I'm ready to take all this, will never come, till i face up to today's stuff. Like yay, 3 months holiday, but I know i gotta earn the peace of mind by working my butt off this sem.

Dunno when I started getting stressed up. Midterms maybe. But definitely it's affecting my joy. And no joy, no strength to do work, to handle people's crap, to handle people period. There's just a desire when you wake up after 10 hrs of sleep, to sleep for another day. How I wanna punch myself now for feeling 'sian' when the holidays drag on. Will i ever enjoy and luxuriate in every nothing-to-do day that comes my way!

I'm so glad that when I feel like i couldn't screw up anymore in any other aspect of my life, that when it comes to God, He's really the only one who can give me the sense of assurance that it doesn't matter to Him how bad I mess things up and that He is always big enough to handle it. Nothing i do can shock Him off His throne - i think i read that somewhere. Lol! I think it all starts with that, the breakthrough. With that knowledge, i lose my hold on being bitter about people, on wondering whether doing what i'm doing, giving whatever i'm giving is worth it. Then there's strength to wanna move on.

I really cannot say more on how much i wanna be content here right now. Sometimes though, the world keeps moving on - in every aspect, there's this demand to be better, give results. sometimes i just wanna be seen as i am now.

and sometimes there's freedom and joy in not trying too hard.


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As Sy Rogers said today, there are things we can look back on, our memorial stones, that encourage us and give us strength to move forward. I rmb a time I was so far away and so tired of people in general, cos really it's relationships that really get me down - n when Jean would walk in on me crying or just sitting and not even having the energy to do stuff, she would listen n say 'just cry out to God alright?' and that would be the last thing i wanted to hear. sometimes you know what to do, and you know what the advice will be, but when the emotions are not there, an…


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beauty and the beast

Best movie ever!

I admit, I was totally sceptical at what I thought was another attempt to spoil a good thing. But musicals... haven't regretted watching a single one, from Chicago, Burlesque, Les Miserables (though I only found out it was fully a musical midway)! We live and we learn :)

Ok, here's how good it was. I went back to watch it a second time. Hee.

It's definitely one of those movies to watch alone - so you can cry at all the odd moments. I gather from the odd chuckles and silences from my fellow movie-watchers, that we were all touched by the movie in one way or the other. None of us wanted to live till we saw the end of the credits. You have to leave immediately when the lights come on though, so you can go remove any traces of the tear tracks.

Loved Belle for being both feisty and just lovely. Emma Watson, you danced beautifully; I was half-in-love with you myself! And of course Beast and the eye-rolling, bumbling-ness of him.

The best of it all was the famili…