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Angsty week

I take it as a bad sign that these words came into mind yesterday: "imploding, i-need-a-holiday, leave-me-alone, HAI." And it's my first week plunging into Uni life again.


I really wanna be the enthusiastic, coping-well student that all of us aspire to be. But I can seriously say that I'm a little overwhelmed with the work I've to do, and the persistent feeling I've carried since year 1 sem 1 that I'm studying and struggling in a course that I'm not naturally good at. I don't feel envy when I see students walking around with drawing pads and artsy course materials (Readings are so much better than calculations believe me). I just feel like my inside has withered and I don't really go there anymore - talking about dreams that is.

But that means crying to sleep these few days. Reading Mic and Jingxuan's post, I'm so surprised that others feel less than satisfied with uni life. I realized that I didn't turn to God to talk about it, because I felt stressed that I wasn't living out this Christian happiness thing. But I seriously need to know that what I'm concerned about - purposeness in school, what i'm studying this for, will this really bring me somewhere, and how come i suck at this?? - is important to God, and not downplayed.

Fruitlessness can really get you down. But then it makes it easy for me to let go of all this stuff and still come into God's presence by myself.

If there's nothing else, am I enough?

and then I'm at peace.


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