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toughen up

how to have your own mind and yet be accepting? how to be decisive and not be overbearing? how to be tough and not hardened?

how to be 'innocent as a dove, and shrewd as a snake'?

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sometimes i hold back, not because i disapprove, but more because i don't know what to think about it. it's kinda being in the middle of an essay, still not sure what the conclusion is, but giving room for both sides of the argument. maybe for the sake of people who've already made up their minds, i should decide soon. even if it means having a different stand.

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read "The Love Languages of God" by the author of "The 5 Different Love Languages" the past few days. think it really gave me a handle towards understanding people better. it didn't strike me as being very important when we were first taught about different love languages - how different individuals feel loved when it comes in a specific form. it was somewhere with the conclusions of quizzes and personality tests.

but when you're in a big group of friends, or a kaleidoscope of a family where no one resembles anyone else, understanding another person's love language equates to understanding why he behaves the way he does, why he worships God the way he does and what happens when he doesn't feel loved. it leads to tolerance, then acceptance, and eventually a solution.

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a lot of people get nicknames - i don't. i always wondered, was it because i lacked personality? people can't seem to be able to make up their minds about me. the safest comments would be 'nice', a euphemism for 'goes-with-the-flow'. and i realized, in an effort to accommodate, you can lose strength of will to lead, to decide, to purpose and to pursue your own life goals.
i know i may always seem a little slow in catching on, a little late in blooming. but i don't wanna be insecure about that anymore. what is progress without foundation?
but. no more stagnating.

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