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free

this won't be some exposition on what freedom is ;D

free = from my voice, you know, the one that's not so crazy about God.

free now to embrace who God created me to be. it's funny how we search and ask God for our purpose, what He made us to DO, but freak out when God is interested in what He made us to BE.

that's totally how i was influenced since young. i remember that in primary school, when Jean and I were streamed into different streams and classes, i wasn't so close to her anymore. there was no time for games, no time to waste hanging out with friends and stuff. after homework and time with my family in front of the television, there was only time left for ME time. no surprise, i had my first white hair when i was 11. but i liked the regularity, the discipline, the sense of purpose and accomplishment. that was who i was - the EM1 child my parents could talk about proudly, the one who wasn't that popular but got along with teachers, classmates, and more importantly, chalked up the A's.

that's my past. even last week was my past. messing up at work, getting annoyed when i don't perform well, letting to-do lists override friendships.

but this is what i have in God!

to be able to: rest without guilt and stress (that's a BIG deal to me), be inspired by all those things i once condemned as undisciplined and shallow (cheerleading, dancing, songs, chilling out with friends), look at myself in the mirror and 1. not be caught up in myself, 2. smile and shrug, and give myself time to grow and change, enjoy the things that feed my soul with my friend Jesus (hot tea, a good book, a movie - fine, I'll talk to Him! ;D), serve without it feeling like i'm a pear tree 'squeezing out a fruit', not let performance or LATE assignments get my self-esteem down(!), balance security and discipline (can relac but be convicted to change where u need to).

it's only the beginning.

it's really NOT easy to follow God... take a bow W345, CHC, those who've hung on w God (regardless of your church) and whom i've not had the honor to knowing (that covers all ba..).

but let's keep jiayou-ing =) Know what God is doing in your life! Then it'll be worth it FOR YOU =)

Comments

Anonymous said…
i love you joanne for who you are and more importantly, having the courage to embrace who you are. i've seen the times which you really struggled with yourself and a lot of issues but nonetheless, im super proud that you've made it here where you are. :)

HUGS from MIC.

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