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today took a self-announced day-off from school. i realized that throughout the year, i've been squeezing in these unofficial days because something or other seems to crop up to take up those official days off. i know it's no good reason, but it seriously helped to let my physical body rest (after the 4 days at work last week & lots of fellowshipping & lack of sleep). talked some stuff out with Jean too - realize that i really need that. not only with Jean of course. need to really be able to talk stuff with my friends too..

read a book 'the cross and switchblade' - it talks about a revival amongst the teenage gangsters in New York, some 40 years back, because a young country pastor was willing. he handled drugs, failures (that amounted to death and tragedy) and sacrifice. what got me was reading how complete some conversions of these gangsters were. i stood there reading over Jeannette's shoulder, and tears just came to my eyes. i really want that - the all-consuming passion that Christians on fire have. i don't recall ever really beind passionate about.. anything.. in fact.

but this time i wanna sit back, count the cost and still simply say 'i choose God', and quoting a born-again gangster - "the way i was bad, i wanna be as good for Jesus'. even in this cynical world where people've been burned by religion and tell you it doesn't pay to believe too deep. even in this world where one way to get dragged down is to not know the difference between what benefits and what i should have in my life.

time to simplify the equation. since my wants are so many, it's time to lay the biggest, most crippling one aside: the want for security and no change. the want for my old routines. the want for ME time that takes up 50% of the time. time to pursue God, pursue Him in every relationship, every homework, every conversation.

time to start being a Christian and stop trying to be one. eh? ;D


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As Sy Rogers said today, there are things we can look back on, our memorial stones, that encourage us and give us strength to move forward. I rmb a time I was so far away and so tired of people in general, cos really it's relationships that really get me down - n when Jean would walk in on me crying or just sitting and not even having the energy to do stuff, she would listen n say 'just cry out to God alright?' and that would be the last thing i wanted to hear. sometimes you know what to do, and you know what the advice will be, but when the emotions are not there, an…


Haven't given much attention to the news ever since work started, so yeah, the General elections were an eye-opener, but absolutely no clue about the upcoming Presidential elections. Something I don't like about the media (and ironically, social media): its limited scope - it cannot possibly capture the feelings of the mass majority, yet so much weightage is given to what is published. Inevitably, the loudest voice gets heard, not necessarily the wisest or the more representative.

Just watched American History X again. Dunno, some days you just feel prepared to take on the violent stuff you know? (As evident, movies like this just give me sleepless nights...)

So, 0236 hours. What am I thinking... Well, it doesn't take much for us to hate. Us, as in, any human. It doesn't even matter if we really went through stuff, like how the main characters' father got murdered. All it takes is for us to get the perception that we were wronged, our rights were withheld or stolen…

hello from the other side

hello to the old me (6 years, yikes!)

hello from someone who's discovered that old is just another word for diminishing physical capacity, but increasing everything-else capacity!

The old me would have said, I should have posted more regularly and I shall post more often now... but I'm glad in hindsight that I held to my belief that I should only post when I've something positive to contribute. Not just words, but how they are birthed. Words written without vanity. And words written not to solicit approval in replacement of the lack of it elsewhere. Words that aren't hurried through the time needed to process and ruminate over the experiences of the past few years (dramatic in some aspects, mundane in most so all in all pretty much as per everyone else's I would expect!).

Still, a little mortifying to realise that I don't know how to work the buttons (!) and to realise I'd forgotten so many things, and yet in some respects, am still entirely the same.

And O…