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today took a self-announced day-off from school. i realized that throughout the year, i've been squeezing in these unofficial days because something or other seems to crop up to take up those official days off. i know it's no good reason, but it seriously helped to let my physical body rest (after the 4 days at work last week & lots of fellowshipping & lack of sleep). talked some stuff out with Jean too - realize that i really need that. not only with Jean of course. need to really be able to talk stuff with my friends too..

read a book 'the cross and switchblade' - it talks about a revival amongst the teenage gangsters in New York, some 40 years back, because a young country pastor was willing. he handled drugs, failures (that amounted to death and tragedy) and sacrifice. what got me was reading how complete some conversions of these gangsters were. i stood there reading over Jeannette's shoulder, and tears just came to my eyes. i really want that - the all-consuming passion that Christians on fire have. i don't recall ever really beind passionate about.. anything.. in fact.

but this time i wanna sit back, count the cost and still simply say 'i choose God', and quoting a born-again gangster - "the way i was bad, i wanna be as good for Jesus'. even in this cynical world where people've been burned by religion and tell you it doesn't pay to believe too deep. even in this world where one way to get dragged down is to not know the difference between what benefits and what i should have in my life.

time to simplify the equation. since my wants are so many, it's time to lay the biggest, most crippling one aside: the want for security and no change. the want for my old routines. the want for ME time that takes up 50% of the time. time to pursue God, pursue Him in every relationship, every homework, every conversation.

time to start being a Christian and stop trying to be one. eh? ;D


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on mountains and perspective

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But I made it back with my life. And I'm humbler for the attempt, though how could I resist the parting shot: "I'll be back!"?

But on a more serious note, it's an awesome thing, a beautiful gift to be able to get out there into as natural a surrounding you can get (without dying a slow tv-less death from cold, altitude sickness, projectile vomit and did I mention cold?). It truly seems like one never can be happy - despite all my first-world comforts, I'd gladly pay to painfully…

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The old me would have said, I should have posted more regularly and I shall post more often now... but I'm glad in hindsight that I held to my belief that I should only post when I've something positive to contribute. Not just words, but how they are birthed. Words written without vanity. And words written not to solicit approval in replacement of the lack of it elsewhere. Words that aren't hurried through the time needed to process and ruminate over the experiences of the past few years (dramatic in some aspects, mundane in most so all in all pretty much as per everyone else's I would expect!).

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And O…