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simplify

today took a self-announced day-off from school. i realized that throughout the year, i've been squeezing in these unofficial days because something or other seems to crop up to take up those official days off. i know it's no good reason, but it seriously helped to let my physical body rest (after the 4 days at work last week & lots of fellowshipping & lack of sleep). talked some stuff out with Jean too - realize that i really need that. not only with Jean of course. need to really be able to talk stuff with my friends too..

read a book 'the cross and switchblade' - it talks about a revival amongst the teenage gangsters in New York, some 40 years back, because a young country pastor was willing. he handled drugs, failures (that amounted to death and tragedy) and sacrifice. what got me was reading how complete some conversions of these gangsters were. i stood there reading over Jeannette's shoulder, and tears just came to my eyes. i really want that - the all-consuming passion that Christians on fire have. i don't recall ever really beind passionate about.. anything.. in fact.

but this time i wanna sit back, count the cost and still simply say 'i choose God', and quoting a born-again gangster - "the way i was bad, i wanna be as good for Jesus'. even in this cynical world where people've been burned by religion and tell you it doesn't pay to believe too deep. even in this world where one way to get dragged down is to not know the difference between what benefits and what i should have in my life.

time to simplify the equation. since my wants are so many, it's time to lay the biggest, most crippling one aside: the want for security and no change. the want for my old routines. the want for ME time that takes up 50% of the time. time to pursue God, pursue Him in every relationship, every homework, every conversation.

time to start being a Christian and stop trying to be one. eh? ;D

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