Wondering With a capital W

In line with my post title, all future 'W's' (there u go) will be capitalized. I've just realized that my posts are so random. I get on about something, then end With another point. HaWhaW. Any of u can find an un-capitalized W.... feel free to treat me to something! ;D hoho

That's the story of my academic life noW actually. I'm so physically spent that all the momentum I've gotten from getting such ::*beautiful*:: grades (meaning that they're so bad that they need manual decoration), is spent on sitting in front of the comp W all my digital notepads packed, and my mind going 'DUHHHHHHH'.

Haha.. apologies to my project mates and colleagues at Work Who are never gonna read this post (but at least i feel better for saying it) for the virus called sleep_deprivation that has Wiped out Joanne's mental files. Emotional too.

more and more though, I'm Wondering (yes, With a capital W), if this is cos I might do better studying something else. somehoW i kinda knoW that environmental engineering might be just a filler - i dunno Why i keep picturing myself doing other things. =) i'm encouraged though - i Wanna accomplish lotsa stuff in life. It's sad that stuff like money, and time, and systems just limit What we can all do in our lives. So looking forWard to eternity.

oh dear. quite the opposite from La-jang (*GO JANG RAWRRR), i find myself shrinking from talking about spiritual stuff on my blog. no... not because i'm backsliding but more because i've gone through a valley and emerged With more fear and less faith. i'm reminded hoW i used to be so afraid of failing and letting down myself and people, that i'd just keep quiet so that i don't sabotage myself When i go through my valleys.

despite that, it's knoWing that God has promised that it Would be hard, and knoWing hoW real is seems When you go through stuff that really turn your insides and cause you to cry soundlessly on a Whim. just falling back on that, it assures me that Whatever aWaits me at the end is Worth it.

This song just voices out What i feel & What i Wish i understood in the 5 years Where i've seen people come and go from God.

East to West by Casting Crowns
Here I am, Lord and I'm drowning
In Your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don't want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight

I know You've cast my sin as far as
As the east is from the west
And I stand before You now as
As though I've never sinned
But today I feel like I'm just one mistake away
From You leaving me this way
Jesus can You show me just how

Far the east is from the west
'Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
Rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other

I start the day, the war begins
Endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again Your truth is drowned out
By the storm I'm in
Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away
From You leaving me this way
Jesus can You show me just how

I know You've washed me white
Turn my darkness into light
I need Your peace to get me through
To get me through this night
I can't live by what I feel
About the truth Your work reveals
And I'm not holding on to You
But You're holding on to me
You're holding on to me