No Reserves, No Retreats, No Regrets

on the outward i'm living in the present, but inside, i believe that God's bringing me back to face my past. so to all who may be on the receiving end of my grumpiness, please forgive me & help me by just being normal. dun need to be too sensitive abt it cos ya, doesn't help u, doesn't help me. heh. but yah, i'll work on being more disciplined in my emotions, because that's God purpose ba... poo. i've an angry monster inside. =( roar roar. tsk. it's a bit hard not to be judgmental. cos really, i do get that i myself am not doing much because i fear the responsibility of being a leader sometimes. how would u feel knowing u might stumble ppl cos of ur weaknesses? and still the need is so great, it's really by faith that i must serve and hope that God can make things good out of my mistakes.

just was reminded today the goodness of God. we are truly carried on the wings of an eagle - the Holy Spirit. it started from a thought during mock cg today, as i sat back and watched how we, such an odd bunch of people, would suffer from jitters, be totally flaky, and viewing ourselves as 'spiritually not there yet', would fit in to my perspective of SOT students. i think sometimes despite our repeated assurances that we are not as spiritual as ppl think : nope, still working on praying daily! - it's very easy, when looking at our own spiritual walk, to think that everyone else is doing better. maybe we think that way easily cos we always strive to go in the opposite direction of arrogance. but i read this definition of humility in a Max Lucado book yesterday: Humility isn't not thinking highly of yourself. Humility is about not thinking so much about yourself. i think it's great - that by being humble, and remembering how God has caught us so many times and walked...

=) blogging from Starbucks Raffles. lots of reading to catch up on! thinking of taking up a tuition assignment... budden... yah... haha this week's the week of 13 cell group meetings! after going through the mock cell groups, really understand the difficulty of leading - even things that appear simple, like games. =) what it comes down to is excellence and remembering what an honor it is to be involved in what the church is doing. but really, the messages shared during the mock cgs were really great. even though the subsequent mornings really saw us getting tireder and tireder physically, but the presence of God was really the reward of pressing in. =) it brings to mind what pastor said about being in the fellowship of other believers. whether they are even close to you or not, we are all like coals - together, it's really easier to keep the flame alive. still really wanna expand and explode inside - I BELIEVE God, NOW i believe, that accelerated growth CAN be for my connect gr...

no matter how deep it is, a word of prophecy or wisdom will always encourage because it helps knowing that God knows you more than you know yourself. =) thanks Huimin. but still, need to overcome this. physical limitations = grumpy bear = unhappy people around me.

an opened letter from POSB on my table. my mother saw my giving. God help me believe and stand.

today (tues) began with a proclamation at 2 am: "it's going to be a goooooddd day!" this is what happened. my good mood lasted till the train ride to Boon lay. it sort of lasted through the good worship session (we were late so no praise session for us! =\). then it vanished when i wanted pastor to justgiveatwohourbreakforgoodnesssakescosI-AM-SO-TIREDDDDDDD. i just know Pst Meng caught me in various sleeping poses at the back row. praise the Lord. next, grumpiness followed me back to Pasir Ris MRT. where i unchained my bike, left a 'tsk' for the person who threw a used tissue on my bike, swung my leg over to begin pedaling... ... and realized someone stole my bike seat (by the way, this is a common phenomenon this year so be warned Easties!). (!) let's see, i dunno why i was kinda blank. there was anger, but i also felt this funny reaction of wanting to laugh. like, so ridiculous. my life is becoming a drama. so everything balanced out and i was blank till i...

what do leaders look like? what must we do to appear as good leaders? when the bible talks about the fire of God, I always picture this great fireball thing like in street fighters (woo Ryu!). budden i rmb this forensic story i read recently (Readers Digest! But it was quite a crappy story), that taught me that a fire that consumes everything, till even human bone bears a mark, is not the inferno we picture in our minds, but one that begins from a fallen candle perhaps, but one that burns slowly and burns long. everyone likes bonfires. it's big, indicative of exciting things to come. but while it attracts people to stand around, it's not long that one can stay around it. why? it burns too strong and sends smoke into peoples' eyes; it's too hot, people need a more refreshing activity. so it is with us. sometimes we are on the mountaintop, and we burn bright and people get attracted. not to you per se, but to the anointing. that's good! that's what leaders look li...

http://www.donghaeng.net/english/duty/duty.swf saw this on Jen's blog. =) thanks Jen. it really touched me.

*: marking out products = labelling what date a food item/ingredient expires past the standard of the restaurateur. **: i was just pulling their legs. i clarified later that i wasn't interested. amused stares shared. ***: the title is something lidat la.

today was a bit tough. it's the end of the first week of SOT, Sunday, 11th May. it's pretty amazing how i only start to get my dates right when i work, cos i have to help with marking out products*! lol.. pastor Aries was preaching about ceilings, or limits the other day. i think i've reached my mental one. no, not that i'm going mad. but i guess it's good to get sober once in a while n not be so high n noisy. lol. i'm impacted abt how when you breakthru, pst said tt to bear each other is to walk alongside and not run ahead (although ya, that's great to have the desire). but really, while my goal is my walk with God, i must say i really need ppl around me to inspire me by their walk! =) anyway. mental ceiling meaning u start forgetting things, can't handle all the info etc. and that's how i end up, on Mother's Day, working on level 2 of airport, while my family celebrated at Swensen's at basement. i only saw them afterwards for 5 minutes!!! ...

AHHHH surrounded by the giant of computer incompetence. i deleted my previous post just by going to another site. neh mind. wait i try to remember. ok, ahem, here goes. there are good giants and bad giants. (wa.. powderful right.) christian life is not a war between grasshoppers and giants. it's a war between grasshopper-mentalities, good giants and bad toothless lions. haha.. explained by title. so u guys out there there there wun think, oh no, emo valley-post. haha. on the flipside, today is G R E A T ! (though the non-great parts is cos of people not being there to share it for one reason or another. Budden I know Lajang sure v fun understudying today!) =) how to explain. tsk! must create a language with expressions de. oh yah, that's emoticons. okok. Ya~~ during SOT, when Pst Derek told us to turn to our neighbor and practice flowing with the Spirit by speaking a Word or just to pray and minister over the person (minister the person? minister on the person?), it was SO CO...

=) Yay - day 1 of official holiday & am holding good to my promise to really enjoy the freedom to nuah at home! =) Already there's a lot of stuff today though. Word of the day: Discipline! Need to physically adapt to SOT man.. not used to waking up so early. Consistently. ;D Was really great that Bobby preached today because it really brings you back. It was about being a leader somemore, so it was really cool to know what your leaders have done for you. Shoutout to Jingxuan! There was a lot of stuff that we learnt today that I was thinking, eh, Jingxuan just did that last week.. heh.. Wah.. It's something else when you see someone step out in faith without the security of the training for it - indeed you really see how so many different kinds of leaders can still flow and do identical things, & know it's really the work of the Holy Spirit. =) Quite psyched for the mock cell group test this coming friday. I'll be tested on giving the Word! (On top of worship n g...