Skip to main content

Ah... I Think I Understand

I shall post in points... my thoughts are flying all over the place. I've noticed that about myself sometimes - how I'd be looking everywhere & noting funny things while people are talking to me. Maybe that's why I feel that people feel that I don't really care. >< lol..

  • physically, my finger is blue-blacked from washing too many dishes - FAST; bumps & scrapes from doing stupid things like banging straight into the oven door, or cycling in jeans and getting my legs tangled in the gears. HAHA. Sorry.. I just find it amusing. ;)
  • listening to Praise 106.5 online ( is a really great way of getting to know new Christian songs!
  • suddenly i want to write songs, learn to dance (as in taking action to... T.T), get organized, repaint my room, save up for clothes & an IKEA sofa for my bare room (i know i know) & go to Sentosa to play (try to) beach volleyball.
  • a quote from 'Goodnight Mister Tom' - "How could anyone not want to live, thought Will, when there were so many things to live for. There were rainy nights and wind and the slap of the sea and the moon. There were books to read and pictures to paint and music."
  • It's good to be alive. Not because my organizer is filled with activities, future parties, the prospect of fellowship with my CG members who are so incredibly different yet so loved, but also because in all these, I'm experiencing & seeing God's deposition of love in the people He brings into my life. And it's good to be alive, because I will never be separated from God unless it is I who chooses to draw away. And even then, He draws me near. I cannot express how secure that makes me feel.
  • learning to be content now but excited & expectant for the future. there's a need to get on that fine, narrow line between the 2 extremes.
  • ;) 4 cute babies in 2 days - i love it when they catch ur eye & start chuckling to themselves, peeping out from behind their moms/dads & waving. Heh.
  • It was GREAT to just hang out & do some CNY shopping with Ber, La & Jean the other day. Though it was after work/school for us all, & Leen was down with fever (GET WELL SOON!), I was so edified by their compliments, & how they had the capacity to focus on u & be so encouraging. 'You can only give what you've received' - I wanna be like these 3 sweet gals~! ;D
  • Bought a top that's been an idea in my head ever since I saw Sandy wear it while acting in a play sometime last year. Happy with it! ;D Good investment. It's quite rare to find a top that attains the approval of all shopper-pals present!

The main point though is that i'm beginning to understand what it means to 'lean on God's strength'. Only a few days ago, when I was feeling down after church (not BECAUSE of church), I was wondering HOW on earth do u lean on God for strength? It's hard to express. There's no list of formulas or steps to follow, or definitive directions, only descriptions of the effects. So here goes. I find that in between sleeping, squeezing in leisure time for reading & blogging & surfing, school admin stuff & work, there's no longer the 'sian-ded' emotion or angst. Albeit there being lots of occasions for it. Mistakenly rushing to school early in the morning today for example, & sitting in an empty classroom for all of 20min before realising lessons start NEXT week (Oooohhh is it???)... & hence depriving myself of a much needed 5 additional hours of sleep...

But then it took only 5 minutes of (><'''''''''''''')-ness before I was able to laugh at myself. Lol... I found myself thinking of Aileen's post. ;D Well.. that's what i mean i think. I thought that my enthusiasm to work & study would die out by now, but always a song, a thought abt God, & then it's as if my body starts running on strength that isn't my own. I would know, existing on 5 hrs of sleep daily - my JC pre-exam quota. Still, God's joy is present. The results: being able to exchange smiles with commuters instead of staring past people staring past you, being able to be genuine in conversing with customers, being able to be myself with my friends, being able to walk with a song in my heart. ;D Praise God!


Popular posts from this blog

There must be more than this
Oh breath of God come breathe within
There must be more than this
Spirit of God we wait on You

Fill us anew we pray
Fill us anew we pray

Consuming fire fan into flame
A passion for Your name
Spirit of God won't You fall in this place
Lord have your way Lord have your way in us

Stir it up in our hearts Lord
Stir it up in our hearts Lord
Stir it up in our hearts Lord a passion for your name

As Sy Rogers said today, there are things we can look back on, our memorial stones, that encourage us and give us strength to move forward. I rmb a time I was so far away and so tired of people in general, cos really it's relationships that really get me down - n when Jean would walk in on me crying or just sitting and not even having the energy to do stuff, she would listen n say 'just cry out to God alright?' and that would be the last thing i wanted to hear. sometimes you know what to do, and you know what the advice will be, but when the emotions are not there, an…

on mountains and perspective

Kept awake by a bout of traveler's diarrhea and the ensuing abdominal colic. Just been back from an attempt at Mount Kinabalu, 'highest mountain in Southeast Asia'. Okay, those apostrophes are there out of bitterness... it really is the highest mountain in Southeast Asia. And I couldn't even attempt the summit. Made it to the base camp at 3067 m though... that's what it says on my black-and-white certificate - colored ones are only for successful summit-ers.  Crrr!

But I made it back with my life. And I'm humbler for the attempt, though how could I resist the parting shot: "I'll be back!"?

But on a more serious note, it's an awesome thing, a beautiful gift to be able to get out there into as natural a surrounding you can get (without dying a slow tv-less death from cold, altitude sickness, projectile vomit and did I mention cold?). It truly seems like one never can be happy - despite all my first-world comforts, I'd gladly pay to painfully…

hello from the other side

hello to the old me (6 years, yikes!)

hello from someone who's discovered that old is just another word for diminishing physical capacity, but increasing everything-else capacity!

The old me would have said, I should have posted more regularly and I shall post more often now... but I'm glad in hindsight that I held to my belief that I should only post when I've something positive to contribute. Not just words, but how they are birthed. Words written without vanity. And words written not to solicit approval in replacement of the lack of it elsewhere. Words that aren't hurried through the time needed to process and ruminate over the experiences of the past few years (dramatic in some aspects, mundane in most so all in all pretty much as per everyone else's I would expect!).

Still, a little mortifying to realise that I don't know how to work the buttons (!) and to realise I'd forgotten so many things, and yet in some respects, am still entirely the same.

And O…