Skip to main content


This week's the 1st week of 2008 - naturally, it was all about goal-setting. But frankly, time and again, whenever Pst talks about being focused on your calling from God, there'd literally be a big question mark floating around the vicinity of my head. Not because I don't get what he's saying, or even WANT to get it, but that I seriously dunno what's my calling. Am I already somehow in it, without begin consciously aware of making that decision? *scratch head... aiya.. why i dunno... X@

Hmmm.. but despite that, I'm very encouraged by remarks like:

- 'But I somehow feel the peace about u studying what u're studying now' - Jean, the prophetess, in a period when I was anxious about the possibility of my being in the wrong place completely.

- 'Oh, environmental! U very far-sighted!' - i-forgot-who-but-still-very-grateful-for-that-remark

Lol.. not that i'm trying to be justified by people, but that i trust that God is using them to assure me. Dug up this small piece of notepaper this afternn, at a time when i was praying n surfing the net like crazy, trying to decide what in the world to major in in university.

-Comlumbia U - Environmental science & policy, under School of International & Public Affairs

--> X require: economics & bio (for the life of me, I have no idea why)

- Georgetown - major in Science, Technology & International Affairs, Env. track

--> X require: SAT, strong math (econ not a must but entering it)

- JHU - energy, environment, science & tech.

- Stamford - Energy Resources Engineering

--> work experience, Graduate Records Exam

Even though I didn't have the guts to go pursue studies in these schools, i'm heartened that i've been centred around my area of study and that my list doesn't consist of some weird combination of studies.

I really really thank God for reminding me of a desire and a conversation I had with my cousin Tim! It was badly needed! Before my exam results came out, I was seriously so discouraged about my mediocrity in handling Physics (if there's anything i can't stand is the thought of being mediocre in my studies) that I wanted to transfer course or just take a gap year. I dunno how i could forget reading up about what World Vision is doing, and having the desire to add to their team the expertise of an environmental engineer. I remember in those uncertain months before choosing my course of study, that i talked my plans out with Tim who is taking his masters in some deeply science-y stuff. He was so encouraging about how what i was planning to take was RELEVANT to what i wanted to do! If anything, Tim believes in 'changing the world', whether that is idealistic or not, i feel it's FAR better than entering a career-line for the money.

All in all, i'm pretty excited about starting semester 2. Already, I'm physically tired - the obvious sign: having both my legs cramping up when i'm asleep! - but i feel good that it's just warming me up for the next sem. I don't want to have false illusions that things will be easy, that i'll somehow morph into this ideal student who is CONSISTENT (><) and blah blah blah. But at least i wanna know what i'm going to get into, & be prepared to pay the price. Yay... glad i got that off my chest. =) Need your prayers!


albertina said…
I just wanted to say that I think environmental science suits you very well, in my opinion. :) I can imagine you as a tree-hugger. Totally! Just joking. But seriously, don't worry too much abt finding your calling or your path. Just believe God is leading you there and one day, you'll know that you were where you were meant to be all along.

The steps of the righteous are ordered by the Lord. It's taken from the bible, someone in Psalm or Proverbs, not too sure. But I paraphrased it. Haha.

Popular posts from this blog

There must be more than this
Oh breath of God come breathe within
There must be more than this
Spirit of God we wait on You

Fill us anew we pray
Fill us anew we pray

Consuming fire fan into flame
A passion for Your name
Spirit of God won't You fall in this place
Lord have your way Lord have your way in us

Stir it up in our hearts Lord
Stir it up in our hearts Lord
Stir it up in our hearts Lord a passion for your name

As Sy Rogers said today, there are things we can look back on, our memorial stones, that encourage us and give us strength to move forward. I rmb a time I was so far away and so tired of people in general, cos really it's relationships that really get me down - n when Jean would walk in on me crying or just sitting and not even having the energy to do stuff, she would listen n say 'just cry out to God alright?' and that would be the last thing i wanted to hear. sometimes you know what to do, and you know what the advice will be, but when the emotions are not there, an…

on mountains and perspective

Kept awake by a bout of traveler's diarrhea and the ensuing abdominal colic. Just been back from an attempt at Mount Kinabalu, 'highest mountain in Southeast Asia'. Okay, those apostrophes are there out of bitterness... it really is the highest mountain in Southeast Asia. And I couldn't even attempt the summit. Made it to the base camp at 3067 m though... that's what it says on my black-and-white certificate - colored ones are only for successful summit-ers.  Crrr!

But I made it back with my life. And I'm humbler for the attempt, though how could I resist the parting shot: "I'll be back!"?

But on a more serious note, it's an awesome thing, a beautiful gift to be able to get out there into as natural a surrounding you can get (without dying a slow tv-less death from cold, altitude sickness, projectile vomit and did I mention cold?). It truly seems like one never can be happy - despite all my first-world comforts, I'd gladly pay to painfully…

hello from the other side

hello to the old me (6 years, yikes!)

hello from someone who's discovered that old is just another word for diminishing physical capacity, but increasing everything-else capacity!

The old me would have said, I should have posted more regularly and I shall post more often now... but I'm glad in hindsight that I held to my belief that I should only post when I've something positive to contribute. Not just words, but how they are birthed. Words written without vanity. And words written not to solicit approval in replacement of the lack of it elsewhere. Words that aren't hurried through the time needed to process and ruminate over the experiences of the past few years (dramatic in some aspects, mundane in most so all in all pretty much as per everyone else's I would expect!).

Still, a little mortifying to realise that I don't know how to work the buttons (!) and to realise I'd forgotten so many things, and yet in some respects, am still entirely the same.

And O…